A have an addiction to maple syrup.

I think I may have to join Eh Eh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriouslySentient
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Did you hear about the computer programmer who was strung out on cough syrup?

He had a major codeine problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hey_mcfly27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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My wife asked me to put syrup on the list.

http://imgur.com/frPfRRx

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
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Need a pun having to do with Karo Syrup for a good cause!

A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door. I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaspySalamander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
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The first ever guy they tested out to eat maple syrup from a tree must’ve been a real sap!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmarFromtheWire2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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I just got my birthday card and when I opened it, maple syrup came oozing out

It was from my Aunt Jemima

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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If they made an Eggo waffle stuffed with syrup inside, it'd be a Preggo Eggo.
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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During a trip to Canada, I participated in a maple syrup collecting workshop

I wasn't too confident in my tree identification skills, but my instructor said "Oak, aye.". My syrup sure did taste funny though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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This morning at breakfast, my daughter said she doesn't really like syrup on her pancakes, but sometimes she'll "sneak a little on there"

So I said, "well, aren't you syrup-titious!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2017
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The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like maple syrup. I wondered aloud if they scent it.

Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coot_Friday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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Did you see the new movie about maple syrup?

It starts out sappy but ends up sweet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WattledBear0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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If a person peddles cough syrup..

Would it be safe to say they are Robitussin Bussin' ??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatWhunGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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Easy with the maple syrup, Son!

That stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfoust2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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Four Worms and a lesson

A Southern minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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What is this? A soda can for ants?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NTilky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...

So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashscar14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
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I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

That place was giving me the crΓͺpes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordg52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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It was a dark and foggy night

A man is walking home alone one foggy evening, when behind him he faintly hears:

thump...

thump...

thump...

Senses tingling, he begins walking faster only to look back and make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, and with the lid of the casket clacking on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH! the casket breaks down the door. Thumping and clapping towards him, the man screams and reach

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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TIL it's spelt bread.

http://i.imgur.com/m61XhIx.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night

When behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clacking

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs in the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him

A man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the bottle of cough syrup at

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Energylegs23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend got me pretty good today.

I opened the cabinet to pull out the chocolate syrup when I noticed a chocolate fingerprint on the top. I jokingly asked her if she did that to mark it as hers since she had told me she might have to hide it to keep me from using it all. So, we go back and forth over whose fingerprint it is when she grabs it and takes it over to the dog. She holds it up and goes, "Eddie, look. Whose is that?" Of course, he's a dumb dog, so he just whines and wags his tail. She then comes back to me and says, "I sent the fingerprint to the Lab, results came back inconclusive." Cue long sigh.

Edit: Damn...

Edit 2: The Lab

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Really_Dont_Know
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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A family of moles was enjoying a nice Sunday morning...

...when father mole looks over lovingly to mother mole and says, "In appreciation of all you do, we are going to brunch today!"

Mother mole and baby mole excitedly get ready and put on their Sunday best.

When they are ready to leave, mother mole climbs up the tunnel first, and exclaims, "O my, I can smell pancakes and syrup!" Baby mole comes up next and says, "I can smell eggs and bacon!"

Father mole follows behind and says, "Funny, all I can smell is molasses!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trivialpursuits
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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Me: can I have a Dr Pepper with cream and raspberry?

Soda guy: sure! Do you want raspberry purΓ©e or raspberry syrup?

My wife: raspberry purΓ©e. The kind you find at a second hand store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoodooSquad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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My grandpa told me this today:

G is grandpa, and Me, is well, me

G: Did I ever tell you the time I got chased by a coffin? Me: No? What happened? G: Well it chased me all throughout the house, through the bedroom, kitchen and into the bathroom Me: How did you get it to stop chasing you? G: Well I grabbed the cough syrup from the cupboard because cough medicine keeps the coffin away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4meme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Got my wife twice while talking about our dog

My wife just finished eating some eggo waffles and the dog came in and immediately started licking the syrup off her hands

Her: the dog didn't even see me eat yet he ran straight over to me and began licking my hands.

Me: Yeah, it's like he nose

Her (trying to come up with something to out do my joke): That was quite the paw-n

Me: Was that supposed to be a joke, because it sounded like a faux-paw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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What do police take when they are sick?

Cop Syrup!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsallaboutkarma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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StickyKeys has been activated
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fizzywatuh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2013
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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I snuck the topping onto my son's pancakes this morning.

I did it syrup-titiously.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alficles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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The Coffin

My dad told me this spooky Halloween story when I was young, I remembered it today and thought I would share it:

On one spooky Halloween night, a man decided to travel to the graveyard all by himself, armed with only a flashlight, and a thirst for adventure. He scoured the graveyard in search of ghosts, but after a long time searching, was disappointed that he couldn’t find one.

Just when he was beginning to get disheartened, he heard this awful sound from behind! The sound was deep, scratchy, and bellowing. It was the distinct sound of a coffin! The man was terrified. Naturally, he took off running! But No matter how far or fast he ran, he couldn’t escape the coffin. Everywhere he went, the coffin roared, deep, scratchy, and bellowing.

Just when he could run no more, he found himself trapped. The coffin closed in on him, getting louder and louder as it approached.

So what did he do?

He did what any man would do in this situation! He pulled out his Vick’s 44d cough syrup and sto

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calebrockinout1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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The grocery store employee was not amused.

I was at a warehouse store yesterday and turned down an aisle to see two employees standing over a spilled gallon of pancake syrup.

"Boy, that looks like a sticky situation"

Neither employee laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Goes_Crazy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2015
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It took me a second, then I just gave that typical post-dad-joke sigh...

My dad: So there's this family of moles, who live underground of course. The mother mole comes out of their hole and says, "Oh, it smells like syrup out here." Then the father mole comes out behind her and says, "I think it smells like honey." Then their son comes out behind both of them, but he couldn't fit out of the hole, and he says, "Well to me it smells like molasses!"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Wife said breakfast wasn't sticking with her.

Wife: I'm hungry. Those waffles aren't sticking with me.

Me: Should have used more syrup. That makes everything sticky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biseriousjohn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
What does the Pope put on his pancakes?

Papal syrup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheChosenJuan99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Grocery store worker humor

Father of a 3 year old here. I work in a grocery store. Here are some jokes I like to tell or have told.

-Customer wants to buy some Aunt Jemima's pancakes or syrup. "Oh man these are the only breakfast brand I can buy due to religious reasons. I'm a Jemima's Witness."

-Find some bad meat and take it back to the meat department "Yeah the quality of this meat is meaty-ocre."

-What kind of melon can't get married? A cant-elope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaPeyton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear something really corny?

syrup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enshiro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
🚨︎ report
This one was real sweet

My wife was making pancakes and she asked me to get out and warm up some maple syrup. As I started looking around for a receptacle and method to warm it up, she said:

W: Didn't we get a little pourer?

Me: Gosh no, I think our overall income has gone up, why?

Sad Trombone: Sad Trombones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyjames78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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Dadjoked about pancakes.

I was talking with my dad about breakfasts and I mentioned this really good restaurant near us. I said, "Nothing can top their pancakes" and he replied, "except syrup, strawberries, bananas, and butter." Wow, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poler10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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Don't know if this is a "dad joke" but my dad told it to me and I thought it was hilarious.

A family of 3 moles were walking around in a tunnel. The tunnel was dark causing the dad to run into a wall. Then the mom ran into the dad and the baby mole ran into the mom. The dad sniffs the air and says "I smell pancakes." Then the mom says, "I smell syrup" then the baby says "I smell molasses"

My mom sighed and my dad was in tears from laughing so hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merryklumklum
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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At thanksgiving dinner...

So my family and I are eating our usual thanksgiving dinner, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, you name it. My sister really likes sweet drinks, so she would serve her self a glass of grape juice almost right after her previous ones. After a couple of refills, my dad says "Do you want some dinner with your juice?" He says this for every damn thing. I like syrup on my waffles like the next guy but pour a little much and he says "Want some waffles with your syrup?" Every. Damn. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoochMuffler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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