I guess we can call it a safe arbour.
He says his new bride knows everything...
(Me and co-worker discussing him moving into my apartment complex this weekend)
Me: Well are you sure you can mount a TV on it? One of the largest walls in my living room is poured in place concrete. Can't hang anything on it.
Him: Yea i checked its a stud wall. I just need to go out and get a stud finder.
Me: Just come over and borrow mine if you'd like.
Him: Actually I should probably just use [my wife], she's pretty good at finding studs.
queue: groans from myself and all surrounding co-workers
The male's last name is flowers. What's a cute pun to use with his last name for the wedding? It'll be the hashtag :)
Hello fellow pun connoisseurs,
Friends of mine just recently had a bit of a shotgun wedding. I'm vowing to prepare a statement for them in celebration The bride is particularly fond of puns. While I've been grooming myself for this for some time, any matrimonial/wedding puns that I might consider would be much appreciated. It would be the best, man!
My fiance and I are getting married at Kennedy Space Center. We're looking for a good space + love/wedding pun for our website. Written in the Stars is too cheesy. We're leaning toward "One Giant Leap". Any other suggestions?
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
They can't elope
He had cold feet.
I’m officiating a wedding Saturday and want to weave in some of your finest. Please share some of your best to help me deliver some laughs!
Edit: ... help me deliver some eye rolls and long nasal exhalations.
The Broomsmen
I was speechless.
The Macaroon-a!
They cantaloupe.
Soviet Union
Because they never marry the best man !
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband “This is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”
Because they can’t-elope
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
We couldn't settle between two of them. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one.
So, I told her, "Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
But the reception was incredible!
Because they cantaloupe.
Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
Cantaloupe
2 crown jewels
It was a Soviet Union!
She said, “Sorry, but not Sari.”
Because it Cantaloupe.
Really brought a tier to my eye.
..because they cant-elope
Because he was a cantelope.
It was one hell of a barbecue.
'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
The other answered "16. Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer"
He was trying to root the relatives
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
Groom: After me..
Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?
Bride: No, his name is Mike.
Jake says, “No, just a regular suit.”
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
It went off without a hitch.
The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!
In case I get cold feet
1995 and 2009.
Cant elope.
Because she was already queen.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
They seemed to enjoy my wedding toast.
"Add some jam on it," he continued
(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)
It was a major faux paw
Because he was the ring bearer!
Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"
Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."
Judge: "ok.... then? "
Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."
Judge: "what?"
Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"
A marital artist
It's going to be a trip of a wifetime...
It's old butt gold.
However, the reception was amazing
I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
She said she wanted the wedding to go off without a hitch
2B
Because they cantaloupe!
Even the cake was in tiers!
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
Even our wedding cake was in tiers
Even the cake was in tiers!
Because they cantaloupe!
even the cake was in tiers.
Even the cake was in tiers
Even the cake was in tiers
Because they cantaloupe!
Even our cake was in tiers.
It was so beautiful, the cake was in tiers
Even our wedding cake was in tiers.
Because they cantaloupe!
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
...even the cake was in tiers.
It was very emotional - even the wedding cake was in tiers!
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
I was speechless.
I was speechless.
Even the cake was in tiers
Then it's a Soviet Union
A Soviet Union.
Because it cantaloupe.
