It's the GregorIan Calendar.
Ackbartender.
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender immediately kicked him out. The mushroom responded with cโmon Iโm a fungi
Doc: โHave you had any surgeries?โ
F2M: โYes. I had appendicitis.โ
Doc: โAh. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?โ
F2M: โAddadicktome.โ
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.
They're both pokey, mon!
It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.
"That means a lot."
I feel bad. He probably had a crawwife and crawchildren
MonTANa
The tur-KEY.
Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.
And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.
To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.
A mon
C'mon he is right there in the middle !
A poke-mon.
Help me think of more celebrity food puns please!
The menu includes such dishes as:
-Marilyn Mon-roast beef -Patrick Stew-art -Tim Curry -The Cate Blan-cheddar burger -The Audrey Hep-burger -Hayden Panet-tiramisu -Leonard Nim-oysters
Add moreeeee
The first time my daughter was on a plane, she looked out and saw the ground crew, and asked what they did. I proudly said that they are the "monbacks". When the plane pushes back from the gate they holler to the pilot "MON BACK....MON BACK".
CinnaMon
A mon-key.
Poke Mon
They do everything on porpoise.
Billie Jeans
All that was left was de Brie.
you can say that you are independent.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโt think itโs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereโs a new type of broom out, itโs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canโt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnโt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit โกThat's why you gotta de-pause it.
A hokey pokey mon
A monKEY
