A Few Good Mon. #Shitpun.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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Mon, Wed, Fri, Sun- its Greg Tues, Thurs, Sat- its Ian

It's the GregorIan Calendar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What do you call a Mon Calamari working in a cantina?

Ackbartender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryuichy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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C'mon, don't be squared.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norviiiin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Darlings you got to let me know. Should I shave or should I grow? If I shave there could be stubble, and if I grow it could be double. So c’mon and let me know ohhhh..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slomaroma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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So bad I wanna poke mon eyes out
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vairvt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Oh, c'mon...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchUser900
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Felt clute? C'mon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papatheredeemer
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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At least you weren't fired, c'mon, appreciate.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychoWhite19
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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C'mon guys. We're gonna have a blast!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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yeah, c'mon dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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nay
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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A pre-surgical trans man goes to the doctor

Doc: β€œHave you had any surgeries?”

F2M: β€œYes. I had appendicitis.”

Doc: β€œAh. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?”

F2M: β€œAddadicktome.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaqdeezl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Pikachu gets stabbed by a Jamaican man and then asks why?

The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4294
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.

I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.

It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.

"That means a lot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eap42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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What is the best American state to go sunbathing?

MonTANa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hethondje
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Saw a dead crawdad today

I feel bad. He probably had a crawwife and crawchildren

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prockibo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?

A mon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My friend didn't believe me that Slash was in AC/DC

C'mon he is right there in the middle !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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What do you call a Jamaican man who only eats raw fish?

A poke-mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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First experience with flying.

The first time my daughter was on a plane, she looked out and saw the ground crew, and asked what they did. I proudly said that they are the "monbacks". When the plane pushes back from the gate they holler to the pilot "MON BACK....MON BACK".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoltharjoemama
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I made French Toast!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeroissigma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Are you Tina Fey-mished? Would you care for Adele-ectable Meal? Come to Celebrit-Eats

Help me think of more celebrity food puns please!

The menu includes such dishes as:

-Marilyn Mon-roast beef -Patrick Stew-art -Tim Curry -The Cate Blan-cheddar burger -The Audrey Hep-burger -Hayden Panet-tiramisu -Leonard Nim-oysters

Add moreeeee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsbroesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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You hear about Japan's new Hawaiian/Jamaican fusion food craze?

Poke Mon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManosVanBoom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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I'm proud of this business near my work
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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What kind of key opens a banana?

A mon-key.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cognimaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What is a Jamaican’s favourite spice?

CinnaMon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickledust465
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Dolphins don't have accidents.

They do everything on porpoise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyber_SpacePirate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?

Billie Jeans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CDlele
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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A tornado destroyed a French cheese factory.

All that was left was de Brie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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If you wear a locket with a picture of yourself,

you can say that you are independent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rj_ravishjha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Crushing pop cans is soda pressing
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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What do you need to open up a zoo?

A monKEY

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMatt88
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What do you call it when picachu turns himself around?

A hokey pokey mon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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When you open a bank account it's paused

That's why you gotta de-pause it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Did you hear the new debate Congress is having on planes?

It’s ok if you haven’t, the decision is still up in the air.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XenoOnTrial
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?

A mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xene_s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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