Arctic monkeys puns.

(Me and my dad in the car listening to "I wanna be yours" by the Arctic monkeys.)

Lead singer: "I wanna be your vacuum cleaner" (We look at each other in confusion) Me: did he just say he wants to be her vacuum cleaner? Dad: that just really suck.

-_-

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hsully03
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5x13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
They're now training monkeys to be suicide bombers and they are known as.....

Baboom.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys were sitting in a bath.

The first monkey said "Ooh ahh ooh ooh ahh ooh!"

The second monkey replied "Well, add more cold water."

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
The strangest job I had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
How does a monkey make toast?

Under a Gorilla

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdbsplashum
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Where do monkeys being naughty at the park end up?

Behind monkey bars.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train.

A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train. When a train ran over its tail the monkey said, "It won't be long now!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
My monkey friend says that he can use martial arts to fight off disease. I think he's tricking me and he says

Ape will fu ills

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueAidooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Optimus Prime will turn into a monkey anytime he eats food?

Because Prime ate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobzilla
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
My best friend is a monkey.

He’s my prime mate.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rockytopbilly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about monkeys and typewriters

Dhsbarbejdjeindnejen wj2jnsjsj s nsjsdodpqlqlq3l

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Juan-punch_man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do monkeys wear when cooking?

An aperon.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey

A Chimp off the old Glock

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
There were 2 monkeys sitting in the bath...

One says to the other: 'oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa'

The other says: 'put the cold tap on then!'

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Im kinda afraid of Monkeys

I'm afraid they'll go ape on me

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?

Which makes sense, because I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nadajoe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
So I read a study the other day claiming that β€œhumans eat more bananas than monkeys”

Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey with a hand grenade?

A ba-BOOM

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a monkey's favourite TV show?

Thomas the Orangu-Tank Engine!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfalberto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?

A mon

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey that loves chips?

A chipmunk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devildocjames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey caught in a knot?

An orangutangle

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IWantToBeAHipster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Monkey
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/somaambrus
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.....

And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

EDIT: Thanks kind stranger for the gold!!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HVIIDPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys are sat in the bath. One says "oooh oooh aah aah"

The other says "well put some more cold in then"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bollock2681
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys in a bath one said ohh ohh ahh ahh and the other one said

Ok ok I will put some cold in then

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squeevo8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?

A u dropped a banana.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the monkey say when his tail got ran over?

Won’t be long now

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do monkeys go to get drunk?

The monkey bars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainpain152
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen that video of the monkey throwing poop at a grandma’s face?

That shit slaps

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do monkeys always share Amazon accounts?

Because they are Prime mates.

... Sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nediamara
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".

Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2015 we ate over 74 million bananas and only 6 monkeys.

πŸ‘︎ 208
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know people eat more bananas than monkeys?

I mean, when is the last time you ate a monkey?

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Young-Grandpa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s β€œooh ooh aah ooh aah”

The second one say’s β€œwell put some cold water in it then”

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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