Arctic monkeys puns.
(Me and my dad in the car listening to "I wanna be yours" by the Arctic monkeys.)
Lead singer: "I wanna be your vacuum cleaner"
(We look at each other in confusion)
Me: did he just say he wants to be her vacuum cleaner?
Dad: that just really suck.
-_-
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︎ Aug 28 2016
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
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︎ Jun 07 2021
They're now training monkeys to be suicide bombers and they are known as.....
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︎ May 30 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Two monkeys were sitting in a bath.
The first monkey said "Ooh ahh ooh ooh ahh ooh!"
The second monkey replied "Well, add more cold water."
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︎ May 14 2021
The strangest job I had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
How does a monkey make toast?
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︎ May 26 2021
Where do monkeys being naughty at the park end up?
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︎ May 22 2021
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train.
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train. When a train ran over its tail the monkey said, "It won't be long now!"
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︎ Apr 21 2021
My monkey friend says that he can use martial arts to fight off disease. I think he's tricking me and he says
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Did you know that Optimus Prime will turn into a monkey anytime he eats food?
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︎ Mar 05 2021
My best friend is a monkey.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
You know what they say about monkeys and typewriters
Dhsbarbejdjeindnejen wj2jnsjsj s nsjsdodpqlqlq3l
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︎ Mar 06 2021
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
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︎ Nov 29 2020
What do monkeys wear when cooking?
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︎ Mar 05 2021
What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey
A Chimp off the old Glock
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︎ Feb 02 2021
There were 2 monkeys sitting in the bath...
One says to the other: 'oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa'
The other says: 'put the cold tap on then!'
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Im kinda afraid of Monkeys
I'm afraid they'll go ape on me
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What do you call a monkey with a hand grenade?
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︎ Oct 20 2020
What's a monkey's favourite TV show?
Thomas the Orangu-Tank Engine!
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︎ Dec 27 2020
What's the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
What do you call a monkey that loves chips?
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︎ Sep 28 2020
What do you call a monkey caught in a knot?
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︎ Sep 26 2020
Monkey
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︎ May 23 2020
Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.....
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
EDIT: Thanks kind stranger for the gold!!
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︎ Jun 23 2019
Two monkeys are sat in the bath. One says "oooh oooh aah aah"
The other says "well put some more cold in then"
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Two monkeys in a bath one said ohh ohh ahh ahh and the other one said
Ok ok I will put some cold in then
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︎ Jul 17 2020
What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?
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︎ Sep 30 2020
What did the monkey say when his tail got ran over?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Where do monkeys go to get drunk?
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Have you ever seen that video of the monkey throwing poop at a grandmaβs face?
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Why do monkeys always share Amazon accounts?
Because they are Prime mates.
... Sorry.
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︎ May 06 2021
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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︎ Mar 10 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
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π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
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︎ Apr 13 2020
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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π
︎ Apr 16 2020
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
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︎ Nov 29 2020
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
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︎ Jul 02 2020
Humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
In 2015 we ate over 74 million bananas and only 6 monkeys.
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︎ May 23 2020
The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
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︎ Sep 13 2019
Did you know people eat more bananas than monkeys?
I mean, when is the last time you ate a monkey?
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one sayβs βooh ooh aah ooh aahβ
The second one sayβs βwell put some cold water in it thenβ
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︎ Jun 28 2020
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