A woman walks into a bar. βIβll have an entendre,β she says to the bartender. βMake it a double.β
π︎ 114
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Well, this one hit the bar
π︎ 62
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, βIβm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!β I shot back...
π︎ 109
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"
π︎ 179
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
A horse walks into a bar... the bartender asks, βwhy the long face?β
The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Why does the norway navy have bar codes on the sides of its ships.
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
π︎ 486
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
βI canβt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereβ
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
π︎ 94
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
A midget stumbles out of the bar...
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Did I walk into the wrong bar?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
A marathon runner walks into a bar and the barman says
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
A priest, a pastor and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they would like to drink.
Then the rabbi says: "Just give me a tea, so I can become an overused joke."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar.
Things got a little tense.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But...I just can't look at another stool sample
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...
The difference is staggering
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
π︎ 171
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Why did the American pass out in a Canadian bar?
He saw an ad that read "Drink Canada Dry", so he thought he would give it a try.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
A 3 legged dog walks into the bar.
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
"I need a bar built in my garden," I told my friend in the pub. "But I don't know who to ask."
"Well," he replied, "I'll do it if you pay me Β£400."
So I gave him Β£400, and he said, "Right, I'll start asking around."
π︎ 35
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Two bees are drinking at a bar, a couple aproaches them, one of the bees says "Get away, you scumbags!" The other says:
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
A pun walked into a bar and ten people died on the spot.
π︎ 141
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
A dung beetle walks into the bar
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases"
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
My friend was worried about hitting all the bars on his guitar neck at his recital...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other βDang, I left my electrons in the car.β The other replies, βAre you sure?β
βYa, Iβm positive.β
π︎ 177
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my motherβs in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, βBecause your mother is always right.β
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
π︎ 72
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Where has the worst karaoke bars?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, βGet out. We donβt serve rope in here.β So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, βHey! Arenβt you the rope that I just threw out?β
The rope replied, βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
π︎ 12k
π
︎ May 27 2020
Bono and The Edge walk into a bar...
....and the barman says, "Oh God, not U2 again!!"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"
The bartender asked "why the big pause"
The bear replies "I was born with them"
π︎ 13k
π
︎ May 03 2020
A string goes into a bar, the bartender asks: "Would you like a drink"?
String: "I'm a frayed knot."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on the sides of their ships?
So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!
π︎ 91
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender...
"Get me a drink...and a mop."
π︎ 20
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face...
The horse not being able to comprehend the language shits on the floor and leaves
π︎ 26
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
But they didnβt planet.
π︎ 568
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.
The barman says 'Oh god, not U2 again...'
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar
And things got a little tense.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
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