Bar Bar Bar Puns

They both have a great time.

“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

"Is this stool taken?"

He was a little drunk.

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

The bartender yelled “AU, get outta here”

AU!

The bartender says we don't serve food here

Milky way

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

The rabbit says “I think there is a typo”

"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"

The bartender says, “I’m glad you ditched your friend. He’s mean.”

Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.

Get out of here! Shouts the bartender. We don't serve your type here.

So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian

The difference is staggering

He doesn't react.

Barkeep: I'm sorry, but we don't serve miners here.

"... and one for the road."

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

I told him not to fret.

Pun in, ten dead.

When he went to pay for his drinks, the bartender said 'no charge'

And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”

Ouch

A physics textbook book walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender looks up and says, “Sure pal, it looks like you have a lot of problems.”

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

Singapore!

Look at all these studs!

....and the barman says, "Oh God, not U2 again!!"

And then another and another and another

then a table, and a chair

He asks for a Pint of Beer.

The bartender says: 'That'll be $4.85'

Then the bartender says: 'We don't get many gorillas in here'

The gorilla replies: 'With these prices, I'm not surprised'

they stay there.

So he gives it to her.

“Ya, I’m positive.”

String: "I'm a frayed knot."

I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

Is this stool taken?

"Is this stool taken?"

The bartender says, would you like a drink, sir? Descartes replies “I think not” ... and disappears.

He asks, "is the bartender here"?

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender scowls and says “We don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope stares back and says “I’m not a rope!”

Flabbergasted the bartender says “You’re not?!”

To which the rope replies “No, I’m a frayed knot”

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"