At weekends, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park..
But it's becoming increasingly harder to find exactly 32 of them..
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house
nothing to see here, just a wok in the park
My wife asked me to stop making Linkin Park refrences or she'll leave me.
But in the end it doesn't even matter.
What happens if a FROG parks illegally?
Someone complimented my parking today
There was a note on my windscreen that said " Parking Fine "
Yesterday my wife and I were leaving a parking spot. There was a black and white car ahead of us.
Wife: It's a cow car!
Me: It's a moooo-tor vehicle!
Wife: polite chuckle
Me: It's udderly fun to drive!
Wife: ...
Me: It has a cattle-lytic converter.
Wife: You can stop any time.
I was at a camp site by the ocean when the park ranger posted a sign saying that all campers and marine mammals had to vacate the premises.
It was an eviction notice for all in tents and porpoises.
There was a note behind my windshield wiper that said "parking fine"
That made me feel really good.
My park prohibits using rat poison to control pests as it can make birds of prey sick. Signs are posted warning that violators will be fined.
The park ranger is just watching out for ill eagle activity.
Why doesn’t Santa get parking tickets?
His parking is on the house.
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height…
Apparently, they didn’t like my critter sizing.
Paid multi-story car parking...
Wrong on so many levels...
What Happened to the Frog Parked Near a Hydrant?
There's a woman at the local park with a kiosk, selling batteries.
She sells c-cells by the see-saw.
Why is Santa’s sleigh free to park?
..Because it’s on the house!
I cannot take my dog to the park anymore; he keeps getting attacked by pigeons..
A lonesome tree sits in the middle of a park.
Two people walk past, and one says: “That’s a redwood.” The other looks at them and raises an eyebrow, confused. The first cringes at their mistake. The second, after a long pause, says:
“Oh. It’s oaky. Don’t worry.”
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
A chess player was walking in a park with his girlfriend, when some bullies attacked them.
After careful analysis he decided to sacrifice the queen.
i was standing in the park today and wondering why a frisbees look bigger the closer it gets
How are parking spaces measured?
Did you hear about the guy who was stealing headrests from parked cars and wearing them as hats?
Apparently he's under arrest.
I was born by c-section and I turned out fine.
Of course, whenever I park my car I have to climb out through the sun roof.
What does a British bloke say when they’re in danger at Jurassic Park?
Mariah Carey offered to buy me a place to park cars for the holidays...
...but I don't want a lot for Christmas.
Lost track of which kite was mine at the park yesterday
They were all in da skies
If you can't parallel park
you'd better have a back-up plan.
Apparently, keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain.
Must be all the indoor fins.
Why can’t the finger park the car?
Because it was a Toe Zone!
Did you hear about the amphibian who kept parking illegally?
spreading Christmas cheer
should I park the car myself at the steak house or...
Should I use the valet mignon?
Did you hear about the librarian who parked illegally at the University of Chicago?
How much does Santa pay for parking?
Nothing, it's on the house
How much does is cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house!
What do you call a frog who parks illegally?
Does Santa have to pay for parking?
How much does Santa pay for parking?
It’s free, it’s on the house
What do you call a frog that’s parked illegally?
What happens when a frog parks illegaly?
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house...
What happened to the illegally parked frog?
My wife threatened to divorce me if I didn't stop making Linkin Park references...
But In the end it doesn't even matter.
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it’s on the house.
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
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