I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."

β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.

I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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There is only one way to describe this year for Donald Trump.

Unpresidented.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccalabrese01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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At a job interview I got asked to describe myself in a nutshell

I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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How could you describe a group of chess grandmasters bragging about their skills in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atltop5150
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?

Chest nuts roasting in open fire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petertree
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My teacher asked us to describe our breakfast in one word.

I told her it was surreal

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WoNelli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What does the square root of 2 like to describe something awesome as?

Root-ing two-ting

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangerBatman01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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If I had to describe myself in three words, I'd have to say:

Lazy

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMaelstrom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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How do you describe rotten feta?

Foetid

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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How did Bruce Lee describe his son Brandon after he was born?

Perfect-Lee

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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If you asked me how I would describe the best cheese in the world....

I'd say it's legend-dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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How would you describe a lousy lumberjack?

Axe-cident prone.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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How did Bill Cosby describe the massive earthquake in the Grand Canyon?

β€œThere was a schism in the chasm.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haaskivi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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How would I describe the massage I had today?

Much kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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How a carpenter describes his personality on a dating app

Woodsy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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How would you describe a type of bread that doesn't exist?

I would just call it naan-existent

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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How can you describe Vincent van Gogh?

Well, not irresponsible.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ucom1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I said to my best friend ’The words can’t describe how beautiful you are!

But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibrohm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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When the view is so good that you need to invent a new phrase to describe it !
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stunning-Title
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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How does a baker with siblings for parents describe his occupation?

β€œI’m in bread”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbrasky43
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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How do you quickly describe the explosion of a skyscraper?

Long story short.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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There’s only one word to describe a dog’s terrible day

Ruff

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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How do you describe a blind German?

He does Nazi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieknyKaczor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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How would you describe the US between 2009 - 2016?

An Obama-Nation

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themoreidont
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What adjective do you use to describe a pirate with a big butt?

Thiccccccc with seven C's

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BringerOfLemonade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Describe yourself in three words

Not good at math

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foggyphishy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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If I had to describe myself in one word..

It would be "bad at following directions"

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?

Me: Verbally. But I’ve also prepared a dance.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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I thought of a good word to describe my hands yesterday.

Which was handy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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How do you describe a steep joke?

Hill-arious

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neudeu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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People used to describe my father as a real β€œMan’s Man” the type to get all the men talking at the party. However he never really spoke to me,

I guess to me he was more of a β€œMime’s Man”.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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My wife told me im unable to describe my feelings

Can’t say that Iβ€˜m surprised

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lunerain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How would you describe an exploding steer?

Abominable (sound it out)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WizardRob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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The other day, I bought a thesaurus. When I got home, I opened it up and all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5c077_fr33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Ask me if I can describe Napoleon's birthplace

-Corsican!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satisfiend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Are there words to describe this?
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batsk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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How do you describe a ghost?

someone but no body

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbryc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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At an interview I was asked to describe myself in 1 word.

I said "good listener"

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gaoler86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How would you describe yourself in three words?

Lazy.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor because I was having hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms ?", he asked.

I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homer’s a fat dude, and Marge has blue hair"

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had to describe myself with one word it’d have to be...

Bad at following directions

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsecureBandAid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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