Parks Puns

Nothing, it's on the house.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

But who could rock a rhyme like this?

I guess they were critter-sizing me

It got mistletowed.

Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?

They didn’t like my critter sizing.

They get toad.

Edit: this content is unoriginal

Then it hit me.

I wanna commit suislide

The view was not worth the trip.

A Ferrous Wheel! :D

They both know that in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

He must’ve been knackered, even his mum couldn’t wake him up

...but I occidentally parked on the west

And I heard a bunch of yelling and grunting near the tennis court. I went over there and asked

"What's with all the racket?"

But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

“You’ll be fined.”

It's Winter in a Walken Wonderland.

They were arrested for conspiring to murder.

It's called Xi Jum'ping.

Suddenly, the wife pointed out that it was snowing. The husband shook his head and exclaimed that it was just raining. After disagreeing for quite some time, they decided to ask their communist friend, Rudolph. He also exclaimed that it was raining. The husband then said to his wife,

“See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”

Wrong on so many levels.

It's called artificial scare-city

There's a spaceman .............

He woke up like 5 minutes later tho

To get to the other slide

Statue bro?

Fake Gnus!

Nothing. It’s on the house!

Nothing, it’s on the house

Nothing! It’s on the house!

Nothing, it’s on the house!

Nothing, it’s on the house.

Nothing. It’s on the house.

nothing, its on the house

and then it hit me

They said I was too critter-sizing

And then it hit me! I didn't see that one coming

They didn’t like me critter sizing.

Then it hit me.

Nothing.

It’s on the house.

A Ferrous Wheel.

Yes. It's a ferrous wheel