"Break an arm or something!"
I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it
It was deep.
I’ve never seen an old man named Kyle or Justin 🤔🤔
I told her to beat it.
Met my quoda I have.
He said he couldn't do it because my garden is portrait.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
He is best known for the quote:
“Look on my worms, ye Mighty, and despair!”
"That's what."
-She
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
My coworker mentioned he needed to get a quote for 400 mice(Computer mice).
Coworker: "I need to get a quote for these mice."
Me: "I can give you a quote for those mice."
Coworker: "Yeah?"
Me: "Squeak Squeak."
Coworker: *Sigh*
It was touching. Will be handy to know.
It's a web-cite.
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
Because I'm quite fond of these: ""
Their words, not mine.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Morning, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.
[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): I’m glad to say you won’t be needing that pill, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): They certainly are.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): We do nothing …
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Yup, it’s another world-beater.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): No, wait. We do nothing … until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): And then we … spring into action?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): The phrase, Baldrick, is “a case of sour grapes” – and yes it bloody well is.
Mrs. Miggins: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mr. Blackadder! He’s so exciting, don’t you think?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Actually, I think he’s the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/funny-quotes-from-blackadder-the-third/
He re-Poe-ed them.
"Ain't those lumpy farts the shits?"
This is my favorite joke my dad told me. He passed away 11 years ago. When we were cleaning out his stuff, I found a blank book where he had written a bunch of dumb one-liners and favorite quotes. I photocopied them, cut them apart, and gave my sisters each an envelope full of dad's wisdom. I wish I could have seen their faces when they pulled this one out!
My sister gave me one of his old cowboy hats this week, so I've been wearing it a lot and thinking of him. Hope y'all got a chuckle out of this one.
I told her it’s going to take a lot more than that to drag me away from you
In his sleevies.
~this was my senior quote
Impossible.
Mom: Go right ahead I’m fully engaged! Me: No, you’re married.
It’s time consuming
I told him I already reddit
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
she said she was positive she could find some
I said, “Omelette you finish.”
It was really uplifting.
"I know people, most of them have dementia, but I know people" He's a nurse at an old people's home...
I’m really going to have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics...
Because he has great Wan liners.
I stink, therefore I am.
The answer is always "nothing"
