Elmer Fudd is sitting around one day and realized he's not all that good at hunting, might as well take up a new hobby. Obviously he turns to magic/slight of hand. After a few months of practicing, his arms are COVERED in chocolate. Bugs comes up and asks him, "Say doc, what's with all the chocolate?" To which Elmer replies, "You know what they say, a good magician ALWAYS has a few Twix up his sweeves."
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
A hammer.
They didn’t workout.
Edited: It changed to they.
Thanks lornstar7
Unless you Count Dracula.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
K9P
Just don’t pick it up
Edit: piece I before E except after c
The steaks are too high.
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
2022 won’t be arriving for at least a year.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
they look edible
I said, “Where did that come from?”
Edit: Thanks for the love. I’m right speechless.
I learned next to nothing.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
So I had to put my foot down.
Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?
(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)
Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
even the cake was in tiers.
Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.
That's me in the corner...
EDIT. Sorry that was just a dream
I just haven’t reddit yet
Edit: omg i never expected this to do so good, i usually get 3/4 upvotes, thank you all so much!!
“Ya, I’m positive.”
Getting karma should be easy as cake
Edit: It’s a giant cake day celebration! Happy cake day everyone!!
Their ancestors are vi-kings.
Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards, y'all!
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.
Eminemone
Edit: typo
But I'm just not a bee leaver.
Edit: Thank you for the award, friend!!!!
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
My foot.
Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)
Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
Her: “Is it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?” (My erectile dysfunction)
Me: “Y’know, normally yeah it is, but with you it’s nothing hard at all...”
Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.
Because they have no Seoul.
Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.
