A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
My mail order bride arrived today, deceased. The coroner's report noted she was missing an organ...
and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.
My wife noted an unusual number of hawks in the sky today.
I responded "maybe they're part of a hawk-y team!"
My wife and I nearly got hit by a crazy man in a Honda Element, my wife noted that it was licensed out of state.
I watched the guy get out of his car and I hooked a thumb towards him and said "eh.. he's out of his element."
It's different. Take note everybody
I received a break-up note from a quarter.
A basso, I could hit none of the notes for the solo of the opera, A Streetcar Named Desire...
But that's not my aria of expertise.
(True story): My dad carries a tiny 20$ note in his wallet with him wherever he goes. I asked him why...
(His actual answer): "because you always need to carry a little cash on you."
"Have you seen my Post-it note for our neighbour's party on the fridge?" my wife asked.
I said, "I don't want our neighbours having a party on our fridge."
These repeating musical notes are just perfect for my composition...
In fact, you could say that they are Canon Fodder.
I can't abide lending money, just the sight of an IOU note makes me furious.
I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.
To all the members of this subreddit, an open letter:
Thought y’all might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school 🙃
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Does that mean I have frozen assets or cold hard cash?
How much does a chimney cost?
I don’t know, but it must be through the roof.
I leave notes for people
It's how I tell the future
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
I was reciting A, C, and E music notes in a bar. They kicked me out ...
They said no Minor allowed here . ..
What's a pirate's favorite note?
Today I came across a note on my table signed by someone called Cayman-
I was pretty sure that he Cayman left
I was working behind the bar today when two guys came in and tried to pay with a couple of counterfeit £10 notes. When I told the manager, he asked what they looked like..
“Like £10 notes” I told him
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
I went to the opticians yesterday and she asked to sing a high note when I asked why, she told me
“So we know if you can C#”
I got my son a PS5 like he wanted... the note read...
Dear son,
Merry Christmas!
PS: do your homework.
PPS: do your chores.
PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games
PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.
PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
Someone keyed a music note into my car
The damage appears to B Minor
Today I lost my diary with all my to-do lists.
What note do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft.
A note on a music teacher's door read:
Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, “Volume stuck on full”
I though, “I can’t turn that down”
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
Just dropping a short note to all at r/dadjokes
My daughter asked me to buy post it notes because we were out...
I told her to write it on a sticky note so I'd remember
Make two rectangles out of a diamond using one line
This was a problem on my step sons homework. No matter what, he couldn't seem to grasp it. So, I grabbed some post-it notes, turned it to a diamond and said "this is a diamond correct?" he says yes. I then turn the post-it notes a few degrees and say "this is a square correct?" And he instantly got what he had to do. I then threw out this, grade "A" knee slapper of a line "Diamonds are just crooked squares, you can't trust'em".
I think I'm gonna put on my jorts and tube socks now.
What is a pirates favourite musical note?
I went to my cousin and said “skattadly bop biddop.” He didn’t like it so I replied “skiddly bip skattup.”
There’s more than one way to Scat a Kin.
Note: couldn’t crosspost from r/dadjokes. Just reposted my own post...
I need “Beau” puns!!
Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)
Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
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