Much pun yes
πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogus_doggus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
[need help] I have to host a fake wedding and I wanna fill my sermon with as much puns as possible

I think I'll start with "What is love? Baby don't hurt me", but then I have to say "we're gathered here today, ect.." and finish with "you may now kiss the bride",

It'll last about 1 minute, and I wanna really embarrass them. Any ideas?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TBSdota
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
But why, but why... too much pun.
πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alex1809
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Much Better!
πŸ‘︎ 407
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmaMess13
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
how much does a roof cost ?

nothing - it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/romnewz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't think too much
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Birthday_Euphoric
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does the entire United States cost?

Nothing, because it's a free country

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.

I was outraged.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MidDan
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate McDonalds so much for this
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Free_Research1381
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a dumpling weigh?

Wonton.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trivia
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a restaurant. The neutron asks the waiter "How much is the soda?"

The waiter says "For you, no charge"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toku-Nation
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

πŸ‘︎ 366
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does Dwayne Johnson weigh?

1 stone

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkPheonyx
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was Dorothy sneezing so much in the Land of Oz?

She's allergic to dandy lions

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/calbert1735
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

I don’t know, but it must be through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zavoybrown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Beethoven dislike chickens so much?

Well, when you ask them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Not much to see, NGL.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_that_dam_baka_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/svncactus117
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I see so much beautiful art here on Reddit so I wanted to join in.
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/overachievingogre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"

"Sure, go ahead."

So, I sold it.πŸ’°

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said she's leaving me because I spend to much time trying to get reddit points for dad jokes.

That's karma for ya

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I ate too much gunpowder

It gave me explosive diarrhea.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I rely on hotels so much,

I've actually become quite inn-dependent.

πŸ‘︎ 672
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I got too much
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AjGustaf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How much did a single pyramid stone weigh?

Two ton, commonly

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sully1227
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
i have too much free time.....
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihaveligmainmyass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How much land do you need to build a house?

A whole lot

Edit: The original punchline was β€œa lot” but β€œa whole lot” is way better.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors

It’s time for some self reflection

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How much of Northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditmanagement_
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.

Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Only1Skrybe
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money

Very Sketchy People

πŸ‘︎ 429
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omarsrstt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Parallel lines have so much in common

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lil_garbage_girl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...

...lately, he's been feeling down.

πŸ‘︎ 231
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing, it’s on the house ;)

πŸ‘︎ 302
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing..... it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carpet_tart
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing; it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamlet_71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing, it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferociouswhimper
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

It's free. Because it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/j00bz
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nada! Zero because it's on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nightfuryangel
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

It’s free because it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hvperez
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does the chimney cost?

Nothing, it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arrowedmisfit
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink

The bartender says for you no charge

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Passthesyrupbro
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YayGettel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report

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