[need help] I have to host a fake wedding and I wanna fill my sermon with as much puns as possible
I think I'll start with "What is love? Baby don't hurt me", but then I have to say "we're gathered here today, ect.." and finish with "you may now kiss the bride",
It'll last about 1 minute, and I wanna really embarrass them. Any ideas?
But why, but why... too much pun.
how much does a roof cost ?
nothing - it’s on the house
How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.
I hate McDonalds so much for this
How much does a dumpling weigh?
A neutron walks into a restaurant. The neutron asks the waiter "How much is the soda?"
The waiter says "For you, no charge"
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
How much does Dwayne Johnson weigh?
Why was Dorothy sneezing so much in the Land of Oz?
She's allergic to dandy lions
How much does a chimney cost?
I don’t know, but it must be through the roof.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Why does Beethoven dislike chickens so much?
Well, when you ask them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
I see so much beautiful art here on Reddit so I wanted to join in.
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, I sold it.💰
My wife said she's leaving me because I spend to much time trying to get reddit points for dad jokes.
I ate too much gunpowder
It gave me explosive diarrhea.
I rely on hotels so much,
I've actually become quite inn-dependent.
How much did a single pyramid stone weigh?
i have too much free time.....
How much land do you need to build a house?
A whole lot
Edit: The original punchline was “a lot” but “a whole lot” is way better.
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors
It’s time for some self reflection
How much of Northern Canada is habitable?
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.
Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
Parallel lines have so much in common
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...
...lately, he's been feeling down.
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing, it’s on the house ;)
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing..... it’s on the house
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing; it’s on the house.
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing, it's on the house.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free. Because it's on the house.
How much does a chimney cost?
Nada! Zero because it's on the house!
How much does a chimney cost?
It’s free because it’s on the house
How much does the chimney cost?
Nothing, it’s on the house.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink
The bartender says for you no charge
How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing it’s on the house.
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