I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
If you change word "Love" to "Lunch", you can totally change the meaning of a lot of songs.
All You Need Is Lunch
Do You Believe In Life After Lunch
Lunch In An Elevator
Got a lot of it in quarantine
A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
Becoming a sushi chef requires a lot of physics.
How else will you learn fission.
I’ve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.
Sex is a lot like maths...
You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.
I know lots of jokes about retiring
What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of synonyms?
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.
It would be the herd shot ’round the world.
I went to my best friend's wedding today. He is an awesome fisher. I like him a lot and always come with the finest catch.
But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.
I grew up on a street with a lot of friction
You could call it a rough neighborhood
My friend and I swim a lot
People regularly consider us as fishy
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I know why Tesla's are expensive. They charge a lot.
What do you call a president that has to do a lot of laundry?
People keep asking me how do I have a lot of dad jokes...
It's simple. I have a dad-a-base.
I've decided to start storing everything in the Cloud, and it's a lot easier than you'd think
Although I'm still not sure how exactly I'm supposed to get anything back down... I guess I'll just have to wait until the balloons pop to use my TV again.
My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food
But I think it's a naan issue.
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
Bought a house with a shed and found a lot of old tiki torches!
Score! I got free antique-y torches!
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.
Must've been Mount Heiferest.
"I argue with windows a lot"
They don't admit you window
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
A lot of people think of Batman as really serious, but he’s actually a funny guy.
He even used to be a comic
Soldier 1: "zz~ WE'RE TAKING A LOT OF SHOTS OVER HERE!"
Soldier 2: "zz~ ALRIGHT, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH!"
I’ve been going through a lot of shit lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism.
But those are their words, not mine.
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
My wife said, "You've put on a lot of weight."
I said, " I know! I have had a lot on my plate lately."
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But typically, none of them work.
I don't need a lot for Christmas
My driveway is big enough...
I actually know a lot of jokes in sign language
And I can guarantee you no one has ever heard them.
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.
Police say, they have several leads.
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise
And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
On reflection, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to have done differently this past year.
But hey, hindsight is 2020
A lot Eh’ (A latte’)
I wonder how much Starbucks is in Canada?
A lot Eh’
I woke up thinking this this morning, don’t know where it’s from. I probably didn’t write it but I have no idea where I would have seen it. It was an original thought, but it’s an easy joke so I’m sure someone else has done it before.
I'm going on a quiz show! There are lots of other contestants, but they're all grizzlies and polars. It's called...
Who wants to beat a million bears.
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