A mess of puns in here...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenghisKhanX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess

I have been walking on eggshells ever since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MehWebDev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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Mess with an archaeologist;

And you're history.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sememva
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Why should you never mess with Santa?

Because he's got a Black Belt!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Never mess with your wife’s wine!

I just added fruit and lemonade to my wife’s and now she’s sangria than ever before!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Don't mess with Cole's Law!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphadragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Mess with the bat you get the gat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Mess with the deer...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiller_27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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What do astronauts do when they mess up?

They Apollo-gize!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peach_problems
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My wife gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Windshield was a mess!

I asked my wife what kind of bird she thought did this.. she said "a doo-doo bird"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/75trombones
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I switched the I and O keys on my brother's laptop to confuse him and mess his typing up.

I know, I know, I'm a horrible person, but my brother would say I'm a hirroble persin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinateUniverse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
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πŸ‘€︎ u/irbinator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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The ghost in my house is always honest when admitting to making a mess

You could say they are very transparent.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Dont mess with pediatricians.

They have little patients.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepootastrophy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Do you make a mess when you poop your pants?

Well, it Depends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCosmonaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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My son got in trouble today because he told me his bed was a mess

Then i found out he'd made the whole thing up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeepguy797
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?

A wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Don't mess with angry bunnies.

They are very wabbid!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orion808
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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I recommend you try cooking mushrooms, they're really hard to mess up

There isn't mushroom for error

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColonelWepler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I hate it when salad bars are a mess.

The produce should romaine in their own containers.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...

...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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I hate spelling. You mess up just 2 letters, and your word is urined.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superflyguy87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Someone has been leaving this stuff in my carport and then the neighbours complain about the mess. They’re really giving me the gears.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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My eating utensils were forged from Valerian steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerryAttric
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Yesterday i ate an eton mess

Well, it was an eton mess, now it’s an eaten mess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/da1-bois
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Don't mess with General Relativity...

It's a waste of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Dad had to mess with one of my Sister's props for her engagement photos.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerPenguinz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
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It's not a good idea to mess with a clown fish,

You'll just end up making anemone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FairHairedWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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Plumber came around after I blocked the toilet too bad. He left shortly after seeing the mess.

I hope he wasn’t too de-turd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSummahz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Do ISIS fighters on the front lines head back to a mess tent for their dinner like other military forces?

... Or when they're feeling peckish do they just hit up the Allahu Snackbar?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Don't mess with a vegetarian's feet.

They know toe-fu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Why doesn’t anyone mess with the ninja turtle Raphael?

Because of his sais.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HXCg4m3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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I work at a bank, sometimes it's fun to mess with people.

People often come up to me with their debit card and ask: "is there any money on my card?" To which I respond, "no.", without pulling up their accounts.

When they look at me with a confused face I give them their card back with a penny set on top of it.

"There! Now there is money on your card!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsquad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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Never mess with another man's urethra.

That would really be a dick move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neverwastetheday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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When you mess up a coded message and have to send it again

Re morse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyScript
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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For you IT Nerds: If you mess something up in SQL Management Studio, it will be alright...

you can just wait for the SQL.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoapBox3000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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Eton mess

My dad ordered eton mess after a pub lunch. The waitress told him it was quite a large portion, so he goes "ok i'll just have an untidy please".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moikle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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When you mess up in life, don't belittle yourself.

Bebig yourself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_di
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

I added some fruit and orange juiceβ€”now she’s sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

Recently I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 421
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

So I added some Sprite and oranges and now she’s sangria than ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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My wife always gets mad when I mess with her red wine…

So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report

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