A mess of puns in here...
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
Mess with an archaeologist;
Why should you never mess with Santa?
Because he's got a Black Belt!
Never mess with your wife’s wine!
I just added fruit and lemonade to my wife’s and now she’s sangria than ever before!
Don't mess with Cole's Law!
Mess with the bat you get the gat
What do astronauts do when they mess up?
My wife gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever
Windshield was a mess!
I asked my wife what kind of bird she thought did this.. she said "a doo-doo bird"
I switched the I and O keys on my brother's laptop to confuse him and mess his typing up.
I know, I know, I'm a horrible person, but my brother would say I'm a hirroble persin.
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
The ghost in my house is always honest when admitting to making a mess
You could say they are very transparent.
Dont mess with pediatricians.
They have little patients.
Do you make a mess when you poop your pants?
My son got in trouble today because he told me his bed was a mess
Then i found out he'd made the whole thing up
What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?
A wrecked aisle dysfunction.
Don't mess with angry bunnies.
I recommend you try cooking mushrooms, they're really hard to mess up
There isn't mushroom for error
I hate it when salad bars are a mess.
The produce should romaine in their own containers.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I hate spelling. You mess up just 2 letters, and your word is urined.
Someone has been leaving this stuff in my carport and then the neighbours complain about the mess. They’re really giving me the gears.
My eating utensils were forged from Valerian steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Yesterday i ate an eton mess
Well, it was an eton mess, now it’s an eaten mess
Don't mess with General Relativity...
Dad had to mess with one of my Sister's props for her engagement photos.
It's not a good idea to mess with a clown fish,
You'll just end up making anemone.
Plumber came around after I blocked the toilet too bad. He left shortly after seeing the mess.
I hope he wasn’t too de-turd.
Do ISIS fighters on the front lines head back to a mess tent for their dinner like other military forces?
... Or when they're feeling peckish do they just hit up the Allahu Snackbar?
Don't mess with a vegetarian's feet.
Why doesn’t anyone mess with the ninja turtle Raphael?
I work at a bank, sometimes it's fun to mess with people.
People often come up to me with their debit card and ask: "is there any money on my card?" To which I respond, "no.", without pulling up their accounts.
When they look at me with a confused face I give them their card back with a penny set on top of it.
"There! Now there is money on your card!"
Never mess with another man's urethra.
That would really be a dick move.
When you mess up a coded message and have to send it again
For you IT Nerds: If you mess something up in SQL Management Studio, it will be alright...
you can just wait for the SQL.
Eton mess
My dad ordered eton mess after a pub lunch. The waitress told him it was quite a large portion, so he goes "ok i'll just have an untidy please".
When you mess up in life, don't belittle yourself.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
Recently I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
So I added some Sprite and oranges and now she’s sangria than ever.
My wife always gets mad when I mess with her red wine…
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…
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