I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 10 2020
That means a lot
π︎ 24
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︎ Feb 06 2021
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
π︎ 17k
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︎ Nov 05 2020
If you change word "Love" to "Lunch", you can totally change the meaning of a lot of songs.
All You Need Is Lunch
Do You Believe In Life After Lunch
Lunch In An Elevator
π︎ 27
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Got a lot of it in quarantine
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︎ Jan 31 2021
A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 15 2021
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
π︎ 15
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Becoming a sushi chef requires a lot of physics.
How else will you learn fission.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Iβve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didnβt kick me out of the music store.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Sex is a lot like maths...
You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.
π︎ 21
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︎ Feb 03 2021
I know lots of jokes about retiring
π︎ 29
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︎ Feb 19 2021
What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of synonyms?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 14 2021
π︎ 14
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︎ Feb 22 2021
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.
It would be the herd shot βround the world.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I went to my best friend's wedding today. He is an awesome fisher. I like him a lot and always come with the finest catch.
But something is very fishy with his new betrouthed.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Why do a lot of nurses go to college at the North Pole?
Itβs where the Icy U is
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I grew up on a street with a lot of friction
You could call it a rough neighborhood
π︎ 25
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︎ Jan 30 2021
My friend and I swim a lot
People regularly consider us as fishy
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I guess you can see he has a lot of horsepower
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
π︎ 121
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 27 2021
A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, Iβm afraid of widths.
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 19 2021
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Sep 05 2020
I know why Tesla's are expensive. They charge a lot.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What do you call a president that has to do a lot of laundry?
π︎ 16
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︎ Jan 21 2021
People keep asking me how do I have a lot of dad jokes...
It's simple. I have a dad-a-base.
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 09 2021
I've decided to start storing everything in the Cloud, and it's a lot easier than you'd think
Although I'm still not sure how exactly I'm supposed to get anything back down... I guess I'll just have to wait until the balloons pop to use my TV again.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 18 2021
My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food
But I think it's a naan issue.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Bought a house with a shed and found a lot of old tiki torches!
Score! I got free antique-y torches!
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I once visited a country where a lot of people were called Yuri and it stank of pee.
It must have been the Yuri-nation.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.
Must've been Mount Heiferest.
π︎ 42
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︎ Jan 05 2021
"I argue with windows a lot"
They don't admit you window
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 17 2021
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. Theyβve been keeping me off the streets for years.
π︎ 18
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A lot of people think of Batman as really serious, but heβs actually a funny guy.
He even used to be a comic
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 03 2021
Soldier 1: "zz~ WE'RE TAKING A LOT OF SHOTS OVER HERE!"
Soldier 2: "zz~ ALRIGHT, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH!"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Iβve been going through a lot of shit lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 17 2021
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism.
But those are their words, not mine.
π︎ 770
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︎ Nov 13 2020
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 14 2021
My wife said, "You've put on a lot of weight."
I said, " I know! I have had a lot on my plate lately."
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 23 2021
I don't need a lot for Christmas
My driveway is big enough...
π︎ 42
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I actually know a lot of jokes in sign language
And I can guarantee you no one has ever heard them.
π︎ 277
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.
Police say, they have several leads.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise
And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But typically, none of them work.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
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