What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
π︎ 108
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined itβs momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...
...but I occidentally parked on the west
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
When we dropped off the car for service, we got the last courtesy car on the dealer's lot.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
My wife decided to put a bunch of leftover chicken bones in the crockpot so we can make a lot of soup at home as this thing drags on
When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
You can't trust the trees on the west side of the parking lot.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
It took a lot of balls for my friend to go on the Reality TV show called βEmbarrassing Bodies.β
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 20 2019
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 27 2019
A vampire bat returned to his colony with a lot of blood on his face. When the other bats asked him what happened he pointed to a building and said: βSee that cow barn over there?β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
My dad was complaining at all the bug guts on the car window. I said β yea, the new windows has lots of bugsβ
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 16 2018
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 03 2019
The telemarketer had a lot of emotional issues, which of course came out while talking on the phone...
He had a lot of hang-ups.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 09 2019
I spend lots of time on the toilet. it's the only place I get shit done.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 14 2017
I got in a car accident last week and things have just been really tough. They canβt find any parts for it because the manufacturer went out of business a few years ago and not having a vehicle is really putting a strain on my work and family. Itβs just a lot to handle.
Sorry for the Saab story.
π︎ 64
π
︎ Aug 04 2017
The other day, I saw a guy pooping on a car in a parking lot.
If you ask me, that's really fowl behavior.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 04 2019
Forgetful Francesca had a lot of items on her list as she headed to the Super Store... celery, cinnamon, oatmeal, mint, mustard and chocolate.
Upon arrival, she couldn't remember which were groceries and which were paint colors.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
The general physician wanted to focus mainly on fractures and spent a lot of money advertising for them.
She wanted to go for broke
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2018
You know, lots of people hates seeing the same jokes over and over again on 9gag.
It may be because they already Reddit.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Apr 29 2018
So on my way to work today, i noticed alot of people using the church parking lot to make U-Turns
I guess the church is a good place to turn yourself around.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 03 2018
I've done a lot of leisurely travel in my life so far, but the closest I'll ever be to jet setting is probably on my shower head.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 15 2017
A lot of the characters on the walking dead have no life.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Dec 29 2016
Dad pulled this one on me in the mall parking lot
"Hey amnesiajune, where did we park?"
"Uhh... 2A or 2B"
"2B or not 2B... Thats the question!"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 26 2014
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
