In that sense, he was on the money.
I told him he shouldn't get a head of himself.
Some might say they're getting a head of themselves.
Although now he's been busted.
She probably gets royalties
Because they take everything literally.
She really likes debate, she runs a debate club. She likes chocolate cake. Her favourite animal is a tortoise. She is really good at playing instruments and she plays the bassoon. Anything will help, thank you!
I think they are breathtaking
RePUNzel proceeds to slap knee
and what I tell them is to turn that frown SUNNY SIDE UPside down.
He was swiftly punished.
Because they are always taking things literally
No pun in ten did.
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank yβall for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesnβt seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and Iβm so glad for yβallβs support!!
The headline was βpun and ten deadβ (meant to sound like pun intended.)
Definitely not the best but it was kinda funny. He was definitely pleased with it
Which Disney princess liked puns the most?
Probably RaPUNzel.
https://preview.redd.it/29ypd2qlqfk31.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=c4e8be04792a703ee2f9368eb282b08e466ff713
My partner doesn't like puns. He's French, I'm not, and I speak very little French. He's also a history nerd. All this is relevant.
Anyway, he was calling me a crazy cat lady.
Me: I'm not that bad. I mean, I'm not shooting them out of a crossbow or anything.
Him: Surely you mean a ... CAT-apult?
Me: No, no, no... A trebuCHAT.
To date, it's my proudest moment.
How have you hurt your loved ones with puns?
(Edited for formatting)
So I have a funny anecdote from work but my friends don't like puns as much as I do, so I'm hoping someone here will appreciate it. This happened last night.
My lead walked up to me to let me know a coworker wasn't there, he says, "Bill is dead and we killed him." I give him a blank stare because I didn't comprehend him immediately and he goes, "it was a reference to Nietzsche." (German philosopher known for "God is dead and we killed him.") "it was a Neitzsche joke." So I responded with "that's cool bud, but I believe it's pronounced 'niche'." He stutters for a moment, "no, it's- oh." I burst out into laughter and he walks away with a "fuck you". π
EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.
It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.
Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.
Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.
Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.
We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.
Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?
My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.
But that's not why I come here.
I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face
... keep reading on reddit β‘You know, har dee har har. I was surprised to see it was something else. I like puns but it took me awhile before I realised "reddit probably has puns!"
You guys like puns and dad jokes? Well boy oh boy, my boy, do I have the comic for you! http://penguinproductions.org/comics?id=1
The comic is still new, so please tell me what you think! I'd love to get some feedback.
Follow Penguin Productions on facebook and twitter for more comics!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/penguinproductionsapps/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/PenguinProdApps
I said, βWell, they were separated at birth.β
So I had to put my foot down.
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.
When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!
In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.
A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
A shoe.
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
Because women are boyn't
I donβt what is so hard about it. Iβm a trapped peas artist.
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parentsβ house...
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
He says he can't complain
It was a third degree burn.
My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.
He replied with βIβm not sure but I swear Iβve seen it beforeβ
Heβs now pissing himself laughing and mam doesnβt get it
Caesar nodded in the affirmative and then added "ate two, Brutus."
(My dad actually texted me this joke this morning. Iβm 31 years old.)
He's changed a lot.
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
Well, done done done, done da done, done da done
But when the movie comes out, I assure you, itβs gonna be a blockbuster.
Credit: u/Iziahzay
Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
I just can't put my finger on it.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I asked my daughter if she was hungry and she said "No, I'm Charlotte".
I'm so proud of her, but also I had been waiting to do the whole hi hungry, I'm dad bit to her when I thought she was old enough to get it. Now I feel like I've missed that window
I guess they drank the t
She said βI just go with the flowβ.
A w-anchor.
He wishes he was a millionaire, too.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I woke up every 2 hours and cried.
Because it's always salty!
I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"
This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)
No, wait, thatβs not it. She said it was her last resort.
Doctor said, you do look a bit pale
Because it was Chewy
I was like well damn.
Wh knws π€·πΌββοΈ
Itβs because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
It really means a lot.
ΞE=m*cΒ²
Now I prefer air conditioning.
You could say I'm an ex-tractor-fan.
Denis
His friend says "you make a fine point."
A dictatorship
It gives me a case of the E G B Gs
They aren't fancy or nothing but they fit the bill!
He said you had to see what type of river it was before you decide how to cross it.
Sometimes he laughs
In that regard, he was on the money.
In that regard, he was on the money.
Although now he's been busted.
10
