Good Christians always wear masks when going nextdoor, for God hath said:

Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Verily I gave unto him a goblet, and forthwith hailed him by the name he hath previously declared to me...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterpososo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Hell hath no fury like...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/petey_empty
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
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If Anne hath a will...
πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HansSven
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2013
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How can you tell that a Northe god hath been to the gym?

He feelth a little Thor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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Where there’s a will
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Whoever figured out the 'days of the month correspond with your knuckles' thing had too much time on their hands
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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My wife yelled at me after I ate all of our English pastries

Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Anne has a problem
πŸ‘︎ 509
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πŸ‘€︎ u/journeyman369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2015
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The lord giveth, and the lord taketh

However the lord altho hath a lithp.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Insayne-iwnl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Just yellow please

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,

"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."

The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."

To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"

"No son, I want this color."

"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrotalusHorridus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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My housemate might be a dad

To annoy a female housemate we were flicking bits of sweetcorn at her hair. In response, she escalated the game and threw an orange into my face.

The only way i got through the ordeal was because of what another of my housemates said next. After a long silence, as im holding my face he says "..hell hath no fury like a woman corned".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrotumbrella
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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β€œMr. Shakespeare, how doth thou manage to keep your married life interesting?”

Shakespeare: Anne hath a way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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I jokingly threw my pastry at my wife...

She was absolutely furious. I've never seen a person get this angry before. I guess it holds true to the old saying:

Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseBadger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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