If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Have you heard of the man addicted to drinking brake fluid?
Says he can stop anytime!
I finally quit drinking for good
Have you been drinking? I smell beer on your breath.
No, I’ve been eating frog legs. What you smell is the hops!
Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
My friend told me that drinking beer would make him smarter....
But, I don't think anything would make my Budweiser.
My wife saw me drinking from a Halloween skull the other day
Wife: who’s skull is that
Me: a man named Phillip
Wife: what’s in it?
Me: vodka and orange juice.
Wife: .......
Me: it’s a Phillips head screwdriver
I'm giving up drinking for a month!
Sorry wrong punctuation. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
Drinking a stranger's cup of tea...
...is really not my cup of tea.
The police arrested to kids yesterday, one was eating fireworks, and the other was drinking battery acid
They charged one, and let the other off
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
What did the royal taster say after drinking the poisoned water?
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
I've been reading so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently, that I've made a firm new year's resolution..
Two bees are drinking at a bar, a couple aproaches them, one of the bees says "Get away, you scumbags!" The other says:
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
After a really bad experience with alcohol, I gave up drinking altogether.
By buddies and I were drinking beer and cracking jokes, but things started to get out of hand.
It was quite the brew-haha.
"Son, what're you drinking" "Soy milk"
"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"
My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish
It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
I started drinking weed infused vodka
It keeps me in high spirits
What do you call a feline paralyzed from drinking carbonated water?
There I was this morning, sitting and drinking Coffee in my slippers , and I thought to myself..
..I really need to clean a few mugs around here.
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.
When does a adult know it’s time to stop parting and drinking?
My great uncle died from drinking furniture polish
It was a slow death, but a beautiful finish.
Always being asked why I'm holding two plastic drinking cups.
My answer is always the same: Because.
Drinking beer with a philosopher....
Makes you nothing Budweiser.
Last month my doctor told me, "Bob, this is seriously urgent. You really have to start drinking less vodka."
I've been out to at least 40 different bars since then, but no one seems to carry that brand. Anyone know where to find it?
I stopped drinking Coke
Dr. Pepper highly recommended that i should stop
My chemistry professor once said, "I teach better when I'm drinking!"
My doctor said I should drink alcohol in moderation. I don't think I can control my drinking...
... but it's worth a shot!
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...
I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.
I was trying to think of a pun to do with drinking
But I couldn't. I think alcohol it a night
She was drinking alone so I went over to her and gave her my best pickup line...
She's apparently not a Ford F-series fan.
My wife caught me drinking brake fluid this morning. She told me that wasn't good for me.
I told her it's okay, I can stop anytime.
Credit to @meetbuford on TikTok for this.
I need under age drinking puns
I have a project to make my own campaign for change and ypu can probably tell its to do with under age drinking. I cant think of any good ones so guys please help
Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...
....or, am I a really bad teacher ?
I am giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry, that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
There I was this morning, sitting and drinking coffee in my slippers, I thought to myself...
I really need to clean some mugs
I quit drinking for good!
Now I only drink for bad!
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid
I can stop any time I want.
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