Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
That was the punchline...
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt
I told him "It was just ground this morning."
What do you call female dirt?
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!
Safe to say, I soiled my plants.
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt
It was ground this morning
“This coffee tastes like dirt!”
“Well it was just ground this morning.”
What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
What do you call a bunch of very comedic mounds of dirt?
Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."
Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.
The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.
10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.
That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.
But I'm keeping my ground
Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?
Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser
This coffee tastes like dirt
Well it was fresh ground this morning
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?
None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.
I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK
Turns out he's a stand up guy.
Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt
Of course it does, it's fresh ground.
Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.
I ate some dirt the other day.
How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?
None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!
My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...
When I helped him out in the shop:
Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.
Dad: Did it slap you?
Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!
Bonus dad joke:
Me: What's for dinner?
Dad: Something with food in it.
(Every single night)
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."