Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22
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I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.

So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xknav3x
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10
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Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...

It was quite suity in there!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt

I told him "It was just ground this morning."

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_A_Freakin_Joke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What do you call female dirt?

Irt

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brittishboy2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!

Safe to say, I soiled my plants.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLargeQ-mark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Despite all the dirt, I finally could grab a good photo of that metal milling facility reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Constant__Pain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt

It was ground this morning

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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β€œThis coffee tastes like dirt!”

β€œWell it was just ground this morning.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaxxisR
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?

A groundhog

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...

But having a giant rock is boulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hailiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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The Pun Patrol thought he had me, but he didn’t get any β€œdirt” on us! imgur.com/a/E4HsWSN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rbshag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of very comedic mounds of dirt?

HILLarious

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorksuckmepls
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."

Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldn’t get it fixed or refunded.

The store’s manager told me that I bought a one night stand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAY_DREAM3R
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Eli11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.

That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/personGuy02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.

But I'm keeping my ground

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?

Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pinkninja1228
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was fresh ground this morning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-right-i
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?

None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LyndsySimon
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK

Turns out he's a stand up guy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mvanvoorden
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt

Of course it does, it's fresh ground.

Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuzzWeedle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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I ate some dirt the other day.

Never again. I got so il

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
🚨︎ report
How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?

None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...

When I helped him out in the shop:

Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.

Dad: Did it slap you?

Me: What?

Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!


Bonus dad joke:

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Something with food in it.

(Every single night)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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