From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?
Because nature abhors a vacuum
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︎ Mar 05 2021
I recently lost a bag of dirt.
I can't believe I'm dirt poor.
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
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︎ Sep 22 2020
What did the dirt bike say to the puddle?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, βIf you cross this, Iβll hit you in the face.β
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/β¦
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
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︎ Jul 21 2020
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt
I told him "It was just ground this morning."
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︎ Sep 19 2019
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
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︎ May 07 2020
What do you call female dirt?
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︎ Nov 20 2019
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︎ Oct 17 2019
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!
Safe to say, I soiled my plants.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
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︎ Nov 24 2019
What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?
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︎ Jun 02 2019
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
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︎ Jun 28 2019
The Pun Patrol thought he had me, but he didnβt get any βdirtβ on us!
imgur.com/a/E4HsWSN
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︎ Mar 20 2019
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
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︎ Aug 27 2018
I bought a desk lamp for a dirt cheap price but it broke the day after. Went to the store to complain but I couldnβt get it fixed or refunded.
The storeβs manager told me that I bought a one night stand.
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︎ Apr 03 2019
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.
Thatβs the point in the book where the plot thickened.
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︎ Apr 01 2019
10 bags of soil for $15! That's dirt cheap!
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︎ Mar 24 2019
My wife keeps saying to put down the bag of dirt I'm holding.
But I'm keeping my ground
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︎ Mar 09 2019
Why did the chicken roll around in dirt then cross the road twice?
Because he wanted to be a dirty double crosser
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︎ Jan 22 2019
Why do lions sleep on dirt? Because they have nothing to li-on
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︎ Jul 24 2017
How much dirt is in a hole that's 1ft deep, 1ft wide, and 1ft long?
None. If there was dirt in it, it wouldn't be a hole.
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︎ May 12 2016
I tried to find some dirt on Louis CK
Turns out he's a stand up guy.
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︎ Sep 05 2017
Excuse me, this coffee tastes like dirt
Of course it does, it's fresh ground.
Edit: This, of course, is an Amazon Echo dad joke. It's a rock solid piece of machinery.
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︎ Jun 11 2015
I ate some dirt the other day.
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︎ May 31 2017
How many cubic meters of dirt are in a hole that's 243.8 yards deep and 7.3 feet in diameter?
None! There isn't any dirt in a hole!
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︎ Jun 17 2016
My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...
When I helped him out in the shop:
Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.
Dad: Did it slap you?
Me: What?
Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!
Bonus dad joke:
Me: What's for dinner?
Dad: Something with food in it.
(Every single night)
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︎ Aug 11 2013
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, βIf you cross this line, Iβll hit you in the face.β
That was the punchline...
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︎ Oct 23 2019
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, βIf you cross this line, Iβll hit you in the face.β
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︎ Jan 26 2019
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
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︎ Dec 12 2019
No wonder my coffee tastes like dirt
It was ground this morning
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︎ Jul 06 2019
βThis coffee tastes like dirt!β
βWell it was just ground this morning.β
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︎ May 14 2019
Me: "This coffee tastes like dirt."
Dad: "That's because it was ground this morning."
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︎ Feb 23 2019
This coffee tastes like dirt
Well it was fresh ground this morning
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︎ Jun 18 2017
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