Mother: What shall we name him?

Disclaimer, I am a mom, not a dad and my teenager gave me a dirty look when I told her this joke which I was very pleased to think up.


[Scene: Hospital Delivery Room.

Father holding his bundled newborn.

Mother of the child looking on lovingly from hospital bed.]


Mother: What shall we name him?

Father: His name is Mike.

(drops baby)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StcStasi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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[Request] puns about trash

Starting a waste removal company and looking for some punny name ideas. Dirty puns allowed - I'll clean it up, if needed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHrsch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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Need help finding a skin related team name.

Hi my school is having a competition related to skin. My teammates and I are looking for a clever skin related term. Reddit's the holy grail of puns so I figured I could find something here. It dirty or clean it doesn't matter there are no rules. EDIT: We had the competition today, and as I replied down lower my team wanted the name, "Myoclonic Jerks." Wasn't skin related, but they liked it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShonkaMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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"Hot mic."

My wife, in-laws and I have a guest family on board our boat, fishing. It's part of a charity event.

Someone comes over the radio, "someone has a hot mic," meaning someones radio is unintentionally broadcasting.

I sprang into my action, because well, my name is Mike.

I looked at my wife who's across the boat, and so everyone can hear, "You have a hot Mike!"

My wife gave me a dirty look, my father-in-law​ laughed. Success.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MickCJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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Teacher Told Us a Dad joke in Class Today

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wall-mart grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman d

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisisCarl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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I need a pun for a name

i need a pun using the name Valerie. 13 characters long. not too dirty. thanks :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imstillalive1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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