I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal
I donβt know why I thought itβd be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. Itβs going to be called Paw Petrol.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
How Mona Deals With Corona
https://preview.redd.it/721nqjw9tj251.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c128b1cda876a376a50c1860abb81a208866e0c
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
Itβs really been a great cake day
π︎ 55
π
︎ May 17 2020
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
How to deal with Covid-19 Positively
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
The re-opening of LEGO stores in 2020 was a big deal
People were lined up for blocks.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 31 2020
My daughter said she didnt wanna deal with lice
But i told her we had to take this problem head on
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 06 2020
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 20 2020
I just made a deal with a roof building firm
Hopefully it doesnβt fall through
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 13 2020
Seal the deal.
π︎ 607
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
If you want the best Sandwich Deal there isβ¦
Go to Kent. You'll find both of those there.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"
They said he wasn't Koalafied
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we canβt lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.
As much as it sucks, itβs better to be safe than SARS-y
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
Bum deal...
I bought my bidet on sale!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Whatβs the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)
Dad: Whatβs the deal with airline food?
Kid: I donβt know dad, what?
Dad: I donβt know either Iβm quarantined
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.
After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
You would think more people would see this deal.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 12 2019
Hear about the jazz player that made a deal with the devil?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 26 2020
What's the deal with a door and a bell?
On their own they are not really cute, but together they are adorable!
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
I don't get what's the big deal in making a pastry?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 01 2020
Well, that seals the deal
π︎ 52
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol
He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 28 2020
Now that's a deal
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
My dealer deals marijuana really cheap.
When it comes to bags, it's a dollar for twenty.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
Why was 2 offered a record deal but not 4?
Because 2 was better suited for PRIMEtime
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
Now that's a deal
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
The Green New Deal now has Dadjokes as a major pillar
We are the foremost experts in recycling!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 12 2020
I got a great deal on a funeral for my wife and I.
It was a his and hearse package.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
Parking structures cause me a great deal of anxiety.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 19 2019
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 08 2020
It meant a great deal...
When my dad taught me how to haggle.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
What's the name of the space bounty hunter who used to host Deal or No Deal?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 03 2019
Who had the hottest Black Friday deals this year?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
Weβve got a lot of issues to deal with
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
I went to a fireworks store yesterday looking for a deal
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
How did the supervisor deal with the incompetent employees?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 21 2019
My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.
I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
I really donβt get what the big deal is with that black hole.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 12 2019
How does a nymphomaniac deal with her addiction?
She thinks about it long and hard.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 18 2019
Who deals with the funerals of gods?
An immortician
>A dumb joke a thought up playing hockey one day
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
a most wholesome deal
dad joke for a dad joke?
what do they say about the restaurant on the moon? good food, no atmosphere :)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 07 2019
aPEARantly everyone else at goodwill was sleeping on this sweet ass deal.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 27 2019
I got a great deal on an upside down boat.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
What's the, what's the deal
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 21 2019
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.
But that turned out to be not the case.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 02 2019
===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===
My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use.
I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)
Onto the jokes!
Lizards are never unprepared, theyβve been ready from the gecko!
How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!
Student: Can I have a can of mutton?
Teacher: I donβt know, can ewe?
What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2019
When Northern Europe was bartering for its land, all they wanted was a little something to Sweden the deal.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 29 2019
What a great deal!
π︎ 141
π
︎ Oct 13 2018
I don't know why money laundering is such a big deal.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
People make such a big deal about vegans, but I donβt get it.
I have never had a beef with one.
π︎ 381
π
︎ May 21 2018
Got a good deal on Cybertron Monday
π︎ 72
π
︎ Dec 05 2018
My friend thinks itβs easier to deal with fractions than with decimals.
I said, βYouβre missing the point.β
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 20 2019
I don't know why some people make a big deal about planting a garden...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 26 2019
Just wanted to remind everyone of all the hard work the significant others of superheroes do. They deal with so much, have to be in their shadow, yet still stand by them...
They really are fucking heroes
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 05 2019
A family walks into a pizza place, and there's a deal - Buy one pizza, get the second free -
The dad says - 'In that case, we'll just have the second pizza!'
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 15 2019
What was the deal with the closet?
It had a bunch of hangups. And it came with some bagage.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
What was the deal with the angry pirate who lost the letter P?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 29 2019
What hospital ward deals with the most vision care cases?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 03 2018
My friend got a great deal on a new PC...
They threw in the operating system to boot
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 12 2018
My sister and I have to deal with pops constantly joking with lame quips and puns...
You could say /r/dadjokes a lot.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 08 2018
What should you do if your wife doesnt believe you about the deals at Ikea?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
My wife wanted me to attend a flea market this weekend that only deals with Middle Eastern items...
I thought hmmm.... thatβs bazaar.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 03 2018
Did you hear about the car salesman who tried making a deal with the devil?
He couldn't a Ford to sell his Soul.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 28 2018
I donβt understand y algebra class has so many variables to deal with.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 18 2019
How did the 8th grader deal with the bully that wouldn't let him enter the restroom?
He had to fight. For his right. To POTTY!!!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 24 2019
I got offered an amazing deal today, someone offered to sell me a stereo with a broken volume knob!
I couldnβt turn it down!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 08 2018
What did the bird say when he got a great deal?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
I went to Five Below today in search of some nice deals.
It truly amazes me how they stay in business when it's always freezing there
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 01 2019
What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 01 2018
I got an incredible deal on some pens that were manufactured in Peru!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2018
What do you call apps which deal with the human nervous system?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 01 2019
softball player get a music deal?
Why did the softball player get a music deal? -Her first single was a hit!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 21 2018
Why is it that you can get good deals in winter?
Because you have the chance toboggan.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 14 2018
Privacy is a big deal for social media.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 19 2018
Why are classical musicians so good at finding deals?
Because they never pay the Liszt price.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 04 2018
Why do people choose suicide as a way to deal with their problems?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 15 2018
Fishing is the reel deal
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 04 2018
Just got a great deal on a new farm in the country
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 16 2018
Whatβs the deal with the perpetually sad man whose time machine broke after it landed him in the Grand Canyon in 1936?
He was stuck in a great depression.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 15 2018
Every year at work they make us do a Sexual Harassment training, and I don't see what the big deal is...
Harassment nothing to me.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 28 2017
What part of the brain deals with the knowledge of trees?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
Whats the deal with airline food?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 22 2018
People make such a big deal about vegans, which I donβt understand because Iβve never had beef with one.
π︎ 61
π
︎ May 25 2018
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