Saw a zookeeper crying today.

He was standing next to the elephant enclosure sobbing his heart out. 'What's wrong?' I asked. 'Trunky has just died," wept the zookeeper 'Aaw, and you really loved him?' I asked. 'No, but I have to bury him,' replied the zookeeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_error101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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So there was this zookeeper...

(This probably makes more sense if you're British.)

Doing his rounds one day and when he got to the bird enclosure he noticed a load of the birds had died. Unsure as to what he should do with the bodies he tossed them into the big cat exhibit.

The next day he was cleaning out the primates and noticed the lifeless figure of an ape laying on the floor... not wanting to perform a proper burial and besides- he wasn't earning much more than minimum wage anyway so he tossed it into the big cat enclosure.

On his third day the zookeeper came across his colleague who kept bees, it seems they'd got sick and a lot of the hive had perished. Not to worry, the zookeeper scooped them onto a shovel and tossed them into the big cat exhibit. It's the circle of life he thought to himself.

The next day there was a lot of excitement in the zoo. A new lioness had arrived. The lioness stalked out of the trailer...sniffed at the unfamiliar lion next to her...

"So, what's the food like in this place then?" She asked awkwardly.

"It's actually not that bad" replied the lion. "Over the past few days we've had Finch, chimps and mushy bees"

Badum tssss! Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

Yeah, for any non brits that read all that: Fish, chips and mushy peas is a classic English dish. So...yeah...that's the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FananaBartman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I went to the zoo the other day. One of the new exhibits was a piece of toast in a cage. I asked the zookeeper "what's that all about?" He said...

"Its bread in captivity"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurtyStopOut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Never trust an Australian zookeeper.

There's always some kind of roos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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What did the zookeeper say when they discovered how bad the lizards smelled?

"Whew, what a skink!"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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A zookeeper is having trouble sleeping...

because of a certain case, which made it so that all the zoo animals had to stay in his bedroom. One of them keeps on waking him up, but he’s not sure which one. He goes to see an expert on similar situations like this. They go over which one is the most likely. The expert says:

β€œIt’s not the fox, since those are quiet. It’s also most likely not the monkeys, because these types sleep well.”

They have a conversation like this, but the zookeeper keeps on wanting to talk about his elephant, which he loved and thought would never want to wake him up. The expert notices and plays along for a while, avoiding the subject until all other animals are no longer a suspect. The expert finally gets tired and asks the zookeeper:

β€œAre we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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How do the zookeepers wake the animals in the morning?

They set their a-llamas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ullii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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What did the zookeeper yell when people kept saying the chimp in the cage was fake?

"Ape real, fools!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SakuOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I saw the zookeeper bothering a grizzly at our local zoo. So I asked him to stop.

He said, β€œSorry. It’s my bear to cross.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.

It was toucan fusing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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What's a zookeeper's favorite pasta?

Turtle-llini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudemanandnewman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2017
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Why did the zookeeper lock baguettes into a cage?

So that they would be bread in captivity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abunchofcliches
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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Did you hear the one about the zookeeper who couldn't keep his lizards alive?

He had a reptile dysfunction!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtTentacle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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What's a zookeeper's favorite vegetable?

Zucchini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxGhenis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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Why was the zookeeper fed up with the panda's antics?

Because he kept causing pandemonium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
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Dad talked to a zookeeper today.

(At the new safari exhibit)

Zookeeper: The zebras will be introduced to the giraffes next week!

Dad: What are their names?

Zookeeper: I don't think they have names yet...

Dad: Well how are they supposed to introduce themselves??

I just kept walking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wonderpickles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Had to help the guy out

Me: do you have any penguins? Zookeeper: no, we dont have any penguins Me: slides him 20 How about now? Zookeeper: where did you get 20 penguins?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/netflix_dweller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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A man goes to the zoo and sees a baguette in a cage

The man says to a zookeeper "Why's that in there?" and the zookeeper says "What do you mean? It's bread in captivity. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roachwarrior
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Ravens and Crows

A good friend told me a story once. When she was a kid her family would often go to zoos and museums while on vacation. They were in the aviary on one of those visits looking at birds. My friend saw a crow asked the zookeeper a question. "What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" The zookeeper looked at her, smiled and started to answer. "Have you ever heard of a pinion feather?" he said. "Pinions are the the feathers at the tip of a bird's wing that allows it to fly. They are also the ones that people will trim to prevent birds from flying away. Crows have 5 pinion feathers while ravens have 6. So, if you think about it, it's really just a matter of a pinion."

To this day, my friend and her family don't know the real answer to "What's the difference between a crow and a raven?" They are wonderful and intelligent people, but they subscribe to a particular brand of ignorance where a good pun is better than actual knowledge. They call it punorance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediPaxis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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Dad joke at the zoo.

I was at the zoo with my girlfriend and we went to the primates area last. When we got there, they had already put the gorillas up and there was a zookeeper in the open-air habitat cleaning it up. I turned to my girlfriend and said, "why is that gorilla wearing clothes?" My girlfriend groaned and the zookeeper shot me the dirtiest look I've ever received in my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyMcnasty87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

The Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 653
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Copey85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomon34
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Owlbear15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage...

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tryantula
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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Went to the zoo yesterday with my family and saw a baguette in a cage

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eshenanigans
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamburgler007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage

Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anasuna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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I went to the zoo and I saw a baguette in a cage

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N__ster07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage,

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiiiiitchC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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I was at the zoo, and saw a baguette in a cage.

The Zookeeper said he was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMiniDuck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage

I asked a zookeeper what that was about and he told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yyzable
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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