As a father, is it okay for me to refer to the plastic threaded flange which secures the silicone nipple onto the plastic baby formula bottle as the
just came across this pun thread from an eternity ago, seriously,, it was worth Peru-sing
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
My left knee has never committed a crime.
I can’t say the same for his felony.
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
My wife was a little puzzled when I suddenly bought some new beads for her abacus. Smiling, I said to her...
"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...
You need to let that mango.
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO
SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?
Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast
SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!
Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.
This thread is a goldmine
Those puns are rock solid.
A simple pun sparked a beautiful thread
This entire thread of car puns
If Watson isn't the most famous doctor...
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
My 3 year old's first joke
What's wobbly in the sky
Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
Training for dad level jokes.
My wife is pregnant with our first child so I'm stepping up my joke game to reach dad level.
Mother's day was not so long ago, and since she isn't a mother yet but only a future mother, I didn't get her flowers I only got her seeds, which are future flowers.
At least I found it hilarious and so did she. Hope you guys enjoy this!
Just came across a pun thread on r/dadjokes....thought it belonged here.Enjoy :)
found this in a comment thread lmao
Why did the farmer keep putting spools of thread into the gas tank of his tractor?
Someone told him it was a sowing machine.
The Great Insect Pun Thread
Start praying man, ‘tis the season.
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.
I guess that makes me an eighth-theist.
"No Time To Die" movie is delayed. Thread goes full-pun mode
Snores loudly and car careens off road
Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?
... so they can beat the crowds!
Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)
I found this on my girl's dress, and she told me to post a thread on Reddit. She's so punny.
This thread is very pinteresting..
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...
The rabbit says, “I think I might be type o.”
This whole thread about a guy who smuggled eels is gold.
My sewing instructor thinks I’m the worst student she has ever seen.
Everybody is shocked....
When they realize I’m not an electrician.
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid...
Did y'all hear about that man who said he made thread for a living?
It turns out he was just spinning a yarn
Where do cavemen go to get their clothes fixed?
Bomb Pun megathread!
Post all bomb puns here, whether they be good or bad.
Edit: Wow. This blew up.
This has got to be the longest pun thread I've seen, yet
A blind person was eating seafood
This pun thread is very juicy.
Why don’t ants get sick
Because they have little anty bodies
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
Spooky name thread: I'll start with "Doug Grave".
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
I said yes to my dentist wife
She accepted me with all my floss.
I need help with my sewing
My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"
What a weird way to start a conversation..
Comment from a thread on cat scans
I went to a strip club for blind people
The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching
If you don’t get the joke, you might have a screw loose
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
My father always laughed at me when I got shocked playing with electricity
He’d laugh and say, “Son, you’re grounded.”
Seriously, children are not allowed in this thread
Bee-youtiful pun thread found in the wild...
My dad might be a living reddit thread. He sent me some new cookware recently.
A vegetarian girl walked up to me and claimed we met before ...
I'm sure I never met herbivore
Yemen. I'm China figure out why this thread lasted so long
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
How did the thread get to school?
Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
Because all the fans left.
This entire thread is gold.
A police officer says to a couple: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire".
They ask "Was it arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
Edit: holy shrimp! I got silver! Thanks for the reception!
On a thread about quarantining a water drinking subreddit
I was urchin to keep scrolling down this thread, but you sea, I kept herring that the puns got more and more carp. v.redd.it/ypd18apxdu531
r/AskReddit celebration thread
Why couldn't the computer take its Hat off?
Because it had its CAPS LOCK on.
Edit- North of 4k upvotes, Thank You Kind Strangers.
I’d tell you a Fibonacci joke, but’s it’s probably as bad as the last two you’ve heard combined
My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she had just ironed.
A daily pun thread
I propose we start a daily competition.
Each day the winner of the pervious days thread provides the word for the day.
Then you lovely lot will go off into reddit and try make the best pun around that word/phrase you can, and link your best result in that days thread. The comment with the most up votes wins for the day. Only one pun per account per day.
Ill start with a relatively easy one:
Funny one I found on a Facebook thread
My wife said that everything on this subreddit was stupid, unfunny puns...
But I made this post yesterday that says otherwise.
Obligatory Edit: I have so many people to thank for gold, but I think this says it all.
someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,
I don't think anyone's posted this one before.
My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.