A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."
Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself. The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:
"Just looking around..."
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
It made a good ad visor.
Step 1. Step2. Step 3. Step 4. Step 5. Step 6. ...
Step 1: walk up to dad Step 2: tell dad a joke
...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.
Me: That's a Segway
He said, “No, they usually come that way.”
He thought, “Finally! I put A Dent in that book!”
They’re about sick of my shit.
We only had one star.
Dad: What is the opposite if maximum
Dad: No, it's minidad! Stares with a huge smile on the face
Dad: Olay go to your room, you're grounded!
But a manual can't do experience justice
He said “Sure pa”
Because they can't see shit!
“You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen.”
Check the spelling.
If correct, grab a spoon.
FDA Regulation of Marijuana: Past Actions, Future Plans Douglas C. Throckmorton, M.D. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) ICSB/ASP Joint Meeting April 12, 2016
A Joint meeting on marijuana...
Of how to become a millionaire from Reddit.
Step 8, 9, 10, 11.
Step 1 Step 3 Step 6 Step 9,10,11,12
They give you a TOR!
But never made it past the Onbarding process.
She was showing me around a class and the different stuff that they do. A table she was showing me had a light in it and helps line stuff up
Her: "This is what we call a light table."
Me: "It looks pretty heavy to me."
I said we should post it at a boosted price because they are mint in box.
it was about doing your own hair colour.
So we were in glenwood springs and went into the caves. It seemed like a really normal tour and just as we're about to exit, the guide tells us to put our ears on the wall of the cave. We all did assuming it was some cool feature of the cave. The guide asks us what we think we're listening to. Some reply water and others reply erosion. The guide tells us we're wrong and all we're doing is listening to hard rock.
Discovered this today while hanging a curtain rod.
I am using the zircon one step stud finder, seen here http://m.acehardware.com//product/index.jsp?productId=1298011&KPID=997266&cid=CAPLA:G:Shopping_-Measuring_Tools/Marking_Tools-_New&pla=pla_997266&k_clickid=21a0e1ae-1f94-44cd-b27e-a6a83ba1fdc1
Begin by using the stud finder to locate a stud as normal. Release the button.
Lift the stud finder off the wall slightly and press the button. This will help calibrate the stud finder to "empty space", making it think that any hard surface is a stud.
Quickly place the stud finder on your chest, onto your breastbone, the stud finder should beep indicating it is on a stud.
Make joke as normal
This saves you from making the beep noise yourself, which, in my opinion weakens the joke.
This way the tool itself confirms that you're a stud.
A sailor and his buddies are walking down the streets, looking for the nearest pub. A guard takes one look at their arms and immediately arrests them for piracy. He could see their coarse hairs.
"Get out of the whey!!!"
My family went sea kayaking yesterday and our guide's name was Nate. When the guide introduced himself my dad said in his corniest, most exaggerated fake Australian accent "good day Nate!" I groaned along with the rest of my family while my dad chuckled to himself for the next thirty seconds.
Showing kids in the demo how to sex tagged birds in the wild, he explained that if the tag/band is on the left leg, it's a male; females have the tag on the other leg. "Even with birds, the females are always right."
"Sorry to get cheesy on you guys, but we are in Wisconsin" I groaned as I walked by.
Guide: (broken english) "There is a lot of grass in this area because...[good reason]."
Dad: (to me, but loud enough for everyone to hear) "You know what the locals call that...?"
Me: "No, what?"
Dad: "Muchas gracias!" (followed by the biggest grin I've ever seen)
Guide: (confused) "De nada..."
My family quickly and casually disassociates before seeing other families face palm for us.
I was the only one who laughed...
After finishing the tour of the majority of the Dallas Cowboys stadium, the guide told us to "feel free to roam around the field."
Me: "Are we allowed to Romo 'round the field?"
Lay on Bed
Wait 2 hours
Lay becomes past tense.