So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsVoodoo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Did youhear about the dog that sat outside a hospital for an entire day

It was a patient dog

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowjoggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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I took my new cat back to the shop as it won't come in doors and just keeps running round the outside of my house.

The shop keeper refused to take it back saying that I asked for a lap cat!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?

Le meow!

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalahni1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?

He got toad.

It was worth it though... That club was hopping.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tertiam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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The sink is outside

Let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HOLIOOO
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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I met a woman outside the mall crying

She had lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found. When god blesses you, you must bless others.

Taken from dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I was outside, laying down, at night, admiring the stars and the moon

Then it dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pineappleninja91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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What do you call an Irishman you can leave outside all night in the rain?

Paddy O'Furniture!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hey_Neat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.

I probably should have worn pants, too.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyWhatsItToYa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I'm thinking about covering the outside of my house in unhatched chickens

My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/degggendorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, β€œWhat’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,

β€œCurrently”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/axolitl-nicerpls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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TIL my tv hates the outside world.

Whenever it faces outside it just glares.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirFrankPork
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my home saying, "If you invest 50$ just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".

I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilessthanthreenyc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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If you had a choice of eating your lunch outside or watching the Nickelodeon network, what would you do?

I’d Pick Nick.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...

"...mountains peak!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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I'll never walk down the hall, outside the church, near the courtyard...

I'm cloisterphobic

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted "Oh Pun the Door"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.

Turns out he was full of shit.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fightswithbears
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,

I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichiMichu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œPoor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, β€œSo how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Janice stepped outside to wish the mailman a good afternoon. "Good afternoon, mailman!" Said Janice.

The mailman responded with, "And a good afternoon to you, Femalewoman!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I went to get a haircut on Saturday but the line outside was huge when l got there.

Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.

It was the best barber queue ever!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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What do you call the security outside of a SAMSUNG store?

Guardian of the galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zayer96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...

...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Did you hear about the fight outside the chip shop the other day?

Two fish got battered

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What do you call someone who cleans the outside of the International Space Station?

A vacuum cleaner

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says to him, β€œWe don’t serve rope here; you’ll have to leave.”

So the rope goes back outside and ducks around the corner. He ties himself up, dishevels the strands on his head, and walks back into the bar.

Despite his new look, the bartender instantly recognizes him. β€œWhat did I tell you? We don’t serve rope here!”

And the rope replies, β€œA rope?! I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiFiGuy197
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.

It's a running gag.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spar_wors
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the sign say outside the fishing hole in Chernobyl?

Gone. Fission.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Farm machinery nerd

Man who has been going to the same bar for years tells his drinking buddies that he has decided to travel the world to view every farm tractor ever made. They all know his love for farm machinery and are quite relieved to be getting rid of him as he bores them half to death with his knowledge of tractors. 5 years later the man goes back to the bar after traveling the world seeing every tractor he could find. The barman looks at him and enquires as to why he looks so glum after achieving his life ambition, He explains that seeing every tractor has taken the shine off his hobby and he doesn't want or need to see anymore tractors. Just then there's a loud bang and the bar starts filling with smoke. Everyone is panicking except our man back from his travels who tells everyone to not panic and stand back, he then inhales all the smoke walks outside and blows all the smoke away. His buddies are amazed and ask how he managed to do this amazing feat, He explains. Simple I'm An Ex tractor fan.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
How to catch an elephant

First.... You dig a big pit.

Like, a tiger pit, but big enough for an elephant.

Then, you fill it with leaves and debris and whatever...

Light the leaves on fire and let it burn all the way down to ash.

Next, open a can of peas (or fresh peas if you have them)...

Place the peas all along the outside of the pit, creating a ring around the whole thing...

That way, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boogie_feitzu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.

I said, β€œit’s a bit muggy.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMikethe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the sign say on the outside of a brothel when it was closed?

Beat it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brock_Walker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.

People are dying to get in there.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomWaah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Redhead Jack

You remember the story of Jack and the Beanstock? Imagine if Jack had red hair.

Hints:

Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive, or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

This one is a bit dark.

Ok, too subtle perhaps:

>!Outside of the U.S., red heads are generally called "gingers". Thus, redhead Jack is a ginger, and if the giant makes his bread from Jack's bones, he has made bread out of a ginger, which makes it...!<

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordRybec
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 921
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
If H2O is on the inside of fire hydrants, what’s on the outside?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepenguinja
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?

K9P.

πŸ‘︎ 504
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If H20 is inside a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

K9-Pee

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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