True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
Did youhear about the dog that sat outside a hospital for an entire day
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?
He got toad.
It was worth it though...
That club was hopping.
I met a woman outside the mall crying
She had lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found. When god blesses you, you must bless others.
Taken from dad jokes
I was outside, laying down, at night, admiring the stars and the moon
What do you call an Irishman you can leave outside all night in the rain?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
I'm thinking about covering the outside of my house in unhatched chickens
My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
TIL my tv hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my home saying, "If you invest 50$ just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.
What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H
If you had a choice of eating your lunch outside or watching the Nickelodeon network, what would you do?
I'll never walk down the hall, outside the church, near the courtyard...
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.
My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes
I texted "Oh Pun the Door"
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of shit.
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,
I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.
Janice stepped outside to wish the mailman a good afternoon. "Good afternoon, mailman!" Said Janice.
The mailman responded with, "And a good afternoon to you, Femalewoman!"
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
What do you call the security outside of a SAMSUNG store?
I went to get a haircut on Saturday but the line outside was huge when l got there.
Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.
It was the best barber queue ever!
“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Did you hear about the fight outside the chip shop the other day?
A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
What do you call someone who cleans the outside of the International Space Station?
What's the sign say outside the fishing hole in Chernobyl?
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.
I said, “it’s a bit muggy.”
What did the sign say on the outside of a brothel when it was closed?
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.
People are dying to get in there.
I forgot all about the balloon I attached to the water hose outside!
Edit: oh wow, this blew up!
It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
The last of my preprepred boards. Might have to put it up outside my house now!
Superman and Chuck Norris made a bet
Whoever loses the fight has to wear their underwear on the outside.
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
If H2O is on the inside of fire hydrants, what’s on the outside?
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
If H20 is inside a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
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