What did the pirate say after hurting his eye?
Ow, my Corne -ARRRR!!!! My ten year old came up with this one =)
I've been trying to lose weight lately. I spent the last hour running around the cemetery but I had to stop because my arm and chest were really hurting...
I'm feeling dead tired now, I really hope they have a good resting place.
If the arch of your foot keeps hurting and there's nothing you can do about it...
Does that make it your... arch nemesis?
I told the dentist my teeth were hurting so he told me to go home and drink some Whiskey
The worst part of hurting your back...
is how you are always wrong after it heals. For instance, every time you get up you just stand corrected.
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. “Quit hurting your mother.” I said “ You’re grounded!”
I heard they've been putting electronic fish in the waters so they can catch more without hurting the environment.
Now that's E-fish-in-sea!
What did the chinese man say when he hurt his knee?
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
My son found some cans of corn used for making grits at the store. He asked if it would hurt if he dropped some on my foot.
Doc, it hurts when I poke myself on the shoulder and when I poke myself on the forehead and when I poke myself in the thigh.
Doc: Your finger is broken.
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
How did the bowler get hurt?
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
Which alcoholic drink can give you the illusion that you're hurt?
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
Who were hurt in the bridge collapse in Australia?
The ones that were down under.
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury
Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?
What did the cat say when it got hurt?
What superhero gets hurt the easiest?
How did the poster get hurt?
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
Will you hurt your eyes if you look at the stars for too long?
This is a Sirius question.
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...
Or the farts you hold in.
What did Mickey Mouse say to the Dr. when he hurt his leg?
Who does the Cat in the Hat call when his back hurts?
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
All day long my cat lazes around the house, saying he is hurt. I told him to quit being a hypochondriac
but he just keeps saying "me ow"
“I got hurt in the Pyrenees!”
Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
What happened to the frog that hurt his leg?
A toddler [T] asks his Grandpa [G]: Do you have teeth, pops?
The Grandpa smiled, took a deep breath, and said: "Son, this life has taught me a lot, despite the short stay here... Such as teeth being like the friends around you.
They are always with you, helping you one day and hurting you the next.
You have to constantly wash them, and maintain them on a daily basis.
A bothersome entity would signal an inflammation.
Positive reinforcement, just like a good tooth.
And the tooth that you lose... It's like a lost friend. You ache for a while and then the pain resides as you slowly forget it... But there will always be a void, the void that you can never forget.
And as you see, my son, I have lost each of my teeth.
But why do you ask?
---
The toddler looks up with a tear in his eye and says: "I just wanted to see if I could leave my apple with you until I get back.."
What did the tree say when its back hurt?
"I need better lumber support"
I went to the doctor because the back of my foot hurt.
He said it could be months until it heels.
where does the pharaoh go when his back hurts
I hurt my foot driving my car the other day
I had to call a toe company.
Respect to My Man Steve
So I was planning a bank heist with my friend Steven. We'd gotten everything planned out, it was all set up, and we were in the parking lot of the bank, ready to go.
Last minute, Steven turns to me and goes "I can't do this man. Armed rbbery is wrong, I don't wanna risk getting anyone hurt."
So I turned to our third guy, who was also named Steven (christmas is a total nightmare. I tell him "let's make Steven #1 our fall guy, if the cops catch us, he takes the heat and we walk away scott free.
This Steven #2 goes "No no, we can't do that. Steven #1 doesn't want any part of this, we need to respect his decision."
So it turns out, there is honor among Steves.
I had to change dentists because the last one hurt my fillings.
Every time my bike hurts me, I throw it down to the ground.
Doctor,my back hurts when I get up in the morning.
Then get up in the afternoon.
This morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door , comes back in and says both.
What did the middle eastern say after he hurt himself.
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don’t just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.
I told him yes, but it’ll heel.
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury.
How did The Undertaker hurt his back?
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