It hurts me to say this, but ...

I have a sore throat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Oh sorry, did my phone hurt you?

That's why my son said it has a cutting edge technology.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashed-23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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What's called when a battery gets hurt?

AA tragedy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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My wrist hurts every night at 8:50

My doctor says I have a case of ten-to-ninetis.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kvothe7766
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts

I said decaf.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhhokanything
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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Doc, it hurts when I poke myself on the shoulder and when I poke myself on the forehead and when I poke myself in the thigh.

Doc: Your finger is broken.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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I got the word β€œOuch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lildinger68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I used to think that only sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Until I fell in a printing press.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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This morning my son said his ear hurt

I said "on the inside or outside?"

He walks out the front door, comes back in and says: "Both"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WardensLantern
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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How did the bowler get hurt?

He got a bowling owie

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreeTuckerCase
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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What do you call Batman when he's badly hurt ?

Bruised Wayne.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I hurt my finger playing Minecraft

It’s okay. Just a minor injury

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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My brain hurts.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monster2239
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting.

Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/35mmPirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I never understood why people say that a tennis ball hurts so bad.

Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RioZX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Which alcoholic drink can give you the illusion that you're hurt?

Sham-pain

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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After getting badly hurt, my friend asked me not to sugar coat it

So I used stevia instead.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodHippo9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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A proctologist hurt his eardrums at a rock concert

In fact, he nearly rectum

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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Caveman 1: "I've heard that a dinosaur won't hurt me if I carry a club. Is that true?"

Caveman 2: "That depends on how fast you carry the club."

(Yes, I'm aware of the anachronisms.)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....

I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 976
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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My 4-year-old got crumbs in his eye and started rubbing his eye. He said it didn't hurt much and I said "Oh, so it's just a little irritating?"

He said "No, it's eye-itating."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etereve
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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hurts me like a papercut
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'

Until I fell into a printing press.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Love hurts.
πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Nancy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talmax009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Who were hurt in the bridge collapse in Australia?

The ones that were down under.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xgbsss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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What’s a fist that doesn’t hurt

A Pacifist

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomehuder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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It hurts.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Don't hurt me no more...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office

It was a twerk place injury

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What do you do when balloons are hurt?

You helium.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why did Bruce Springsteen hurt his leg?

He was dancing in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?

An Owquarium!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?

Carpool tunnel.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Broke a leg , it hurts so much

Had to take my friend to the hospital

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salvatoz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What did the cat say when it got hurt?

MeOw

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daaaarknessss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.

Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrendelBlackedOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Will you hurt your eyes if you look at the stars for too long?

This is a Sirius question.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nokiacrusher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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How did the poster get hurt?

It was under a tack

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenanast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What superhero gets hurt the easiest?

Bruise Wayne.

πŸ‘︎ 188
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinzll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...

Or the farts you hold in.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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what happens when you get hurt doing yoga?

you get yogurt

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed

I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got the word β€œOuch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lildinger68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
It hurts me to say this....

But, I have a sore throat.

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can’t believe it’s not better.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office

It was a twerk place injury.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How did The Undertaker hurt his back?

He was dead lifting

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteElway
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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