If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
Because I always take my shit to the next level
Yes don't forget to take it.
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
"Dad, I'm going to take a shower"
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
I keep seeing the same joke that it takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh. Can we stop with the harassing of sea life and just...
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
I can't take my dog to the lake anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
According to ancient Japanese lore, your aura takes a particular colour when you die.
How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ideally three, but Toucan.
I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.
I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.
Why did the banana forget to take out the garbage?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
TEN TICKLES !
Okay I’ll see myself out.
How many Mafiosos does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one to shoot the witnesses.
How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb
How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why does it have to be a group activity
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?
A comprehensive guide to take your Dad joke to the next level...
What did the negatively charged chlorine atom say when uranium tried to take its electron?
How many disappointed dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How would I know? You’ve made me the proudest dad alive.
I always take my problems to Tommy
How long does it take to get the Belgium waffle all the way from Belgium?
I overheard an older gentleman asking the waitress this before ordering at the diner.
My friend wanted me to take her to seafood for dinner
How much training does it take to be a trash collector?
Not much, you pick it up as you go along.
When I was a poor, struggling actor, I had to take a job getting spanked in a BDSM film just to pay the rent...
...yes, I was really strapped for cash back then.
My computer broke, and my boss told me to take it to the IT guy
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA
I was talking to my offspring about classes I wanted to take in the fall.
I said I wanted to take more programming classes because I really liked the one I took last year.
My offspring tells me they can't take any computer classes.
Confused, I asked why.
"Because I'm non-binary"
True story, happened last night. I have never been so proud.
I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...
My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.
If a child refuses to take a nap
Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?
I guess he’s just Biden his time.
Why does it take one match to start a forest fire....
....but a whole box to start a camp fire.
How many ninjas does it take to change a lightbulb
Woah, it's already been changed
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Why does it take a Veteran three times to mute the television?
Every time they push the button on the remote they think Sound Off, one two, Sound Off, three four, Sound Off one two three four, one two, three FOUR.
(Army Veteran here, no disrespect intended fellow brothers and sisters.)
Takes me forever to answer letters. I have a snailure to communicate.
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.
I guess you could call that a punch line
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
