What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it
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︎ Jan 09 2021
βChristopher Wreathβ is back on my door and now the holidays can begin!
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︎ Dec 01 2020
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I begin to read a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen...
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Name something that begins with the letter P that you arenβt good at?
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︎ Jul 14 2020
How does the story of Coinderella begin?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What begins with o and ends w/ s?
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︎ Jul 04 2020
My teacher told me to begin studying things with a pH higher than 7.
She always tells me to start with the basic stuff.
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︎ May 23 2020
What begins with an e and ends with an e but only has one letter?
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︎ Sep 03 2019
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
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︎ Apr 16 2020
How does an obsession with linkin park begin?
It starts with one thing...
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︎ Oct 12 2019
How does a vegan begin grace before meals?
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︎ May 25 2019
Let me begin by telling you a little bit about myself..
It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'...
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︎ Dec 18 2019
Let the games begin
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︎ Dec 07 2019
A lady accidentally locks herself out of her car and begins to panic.
A passing soldier notices this, walks over and rolls his pants across the car. Magically, the car unlocks. The woman is relieved but puzzled, asking him how he did it.
"That's easy. These are khakis."
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︎ Dec 24 2018
Waiting for my day to begin
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︎ Jul 29 2017
Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.
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︎ Mar 05 2020
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︎ Feb 09 2020
Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..
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︎ Jan 24 2020
Every October 31st, my dog begins baying loudly a loud, prolonged, mournful cry...
I guess he likes to celebrate Howloween...
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︎ Oct 15 2019
What begins with βfβ and ends in βuckβ
Wrong, what begins with βwβ and ends in βhatβ
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︎ May 05 2019
In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree. Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps. It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor...
Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.
The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.
Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, βDarling, don't you think itβs time to tell him heβs adopted?"
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︎ Jun 30 2018
Did you hear that Ireland is going to begin broadcasting their own version of "Southpark"?
It's going to be set in Kilkenny.
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︎ Jul 21 2017
A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
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︎ Jun 01 2019
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
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︎ Jun 17 2019
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︎ Nov 11 2013
A squirrel is sitting on a branch in a pine tree when suddenly he feels the whole tree begin to shake violently.
He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"
The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."
The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."
The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."
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︎ Nov 14 2018
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?
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︎ May 06 2019
Two people are having sex in Alabama and they begin to sweat. What is the weather report?
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︎ Sep 16 2018
What's begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
(Edited:)
Teapot
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︎ Mar 01 2019
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commenβ¦
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︎ Mar 09 2019
Ultrasound tech: "So before we begin do you folks have any questions"
Me: "Train A is heading east at 90mph-"
Wife: "Shut up"
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︎ Jul 11 2018
A YouTuber who begins to make low effort content to boost a subscriber count then posts to their favorite subreddit:
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︎ Jan 12 2019
How do dads begin a knock knock joke?
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︎ Apr 16 2018
The Chinese New Year is next week and the year of the dog begins.
I hope it won't be too rough.
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︎ Feb 11 2018
An old couple sitting next to my boyfriend and I at Hibachi asked the chef when he'd begin to cook the food. He replied, "When I get around to it." The couple proceeded to hand him this.
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︎ Nov 09 2013
Everyone get a good sleep tonight! Tomorrow we begin a 31 day March!
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︎ Feb 28 2018
When a women reaches a certain age she begins acquiring cats.
This is known as manypaws.
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︎ Sep 27 2017
Every kiss begins with "E"
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︎ Apr 12 2017
My little girl asked me today, βDaddy, do all fairy tales begin with βOnce upon a time?'β
I replied, βNo honey, some of them begin with βIf Iβm elected.'β
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︎ Jun 24 2017
How did the mustard begin her break up letter to her husband?
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︎ Dec 25 2015
Let the dad jokes begin!
My wife just took a pregnancy test that came up positive. After the initial shock she turns to me and says " well, happy Sunday."
Without missing a beat I say "or perhaps daughter day."
It has begun
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︎ Feb 21 2016
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︎ Feb 10 2013
How does a vegan begin grace before a meal?
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︎ Nov 26 2019
I begin to read a horror novel in braile
Something bad is about to happen I can feel it
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︎ Jun 13 2018
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