β€œChristopher Wreath” is back on my door and now the holidays can begin!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thegeekofsteel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.

Some insist on a shirt.

Others insist on a pair of socks.

The argument always ends in a tie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Name something that begins with the letter P that you aren’t good at?

Spelling. (sic)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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How does the story of Coinderella begin?

One upon a dime...

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.

"No thanks, just looking around."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Let the games begin
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.

"Sense us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..

YOUR NUTS?!?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/valonnyc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree. Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps. It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor...

Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.

The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.

Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, β€œDarling, don't you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyosk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...

I guess he would have to start from scratch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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The legacy begins. imgur.com/u925nMO
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emaxxspeed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?

Tennessee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TITANofATHENS
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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A squirrel is sitting on a branch in a pine tree when suddenly he feels the whole tree begin to shake violently.

He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"

The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."

The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."

The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhapsodicRaven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Two people are having sex in Alabama and they begin to sweat. What is the weather report?

Relative humidity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Car_radio21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? " reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Picard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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The Chinese New Year is next week and the year of the dog begins.

I hope it won't be too rough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avneis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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An old couple sitting next to my boyfriend and I at Hibachi asked the chef when he'd begin to cook the food. He replied, "When I get around to it." The couple proceeded to hand him this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midwesterntown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
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How did the mustard begin her break up letter to her husband?

"Dijon...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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Let the dad jokes begin!

My wife just took a pregnancy test that came up positive. After the initial shock she turns to me and says " well, happy Sunday."

Without missing a beat I say "or perhaps daughter day."

It has begun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewskiseph
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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Got my coworker pretty good. Let the groaning begin.

Coworker walks in after getting off a heated phone call with her boyfriend. Coworker: "I swear, some people don't make sense." Me: "I prefer making dollars instead of 'cents', make more money that way."

Most of them hate me up here already, so I figured, "Why not?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakerz798
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
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