What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing his own incision?

Suture self πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyUnassuming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I have a friend who loves computer programming but his parent wanted him to be a doctor. So he became a plastic surgeon.

Now he's a full rack developer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nech1492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Came up with this joke for my surgeon at the burn center.

What do you call a guy with a thermal injury to his patella?

>!Bernie!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Have you heard the one about the Surgeon?

It'll leave you in stitches

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGKZMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Spine Surgeon to-do list

Get back to work

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said: "Sure, knock yourself out!"

πŸ‘︎ 670
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.

If you can’t beat β€˜em, join β€˜em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?

He was having problems with his sin(x)s

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

His drill slipped

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What is an orthopedic surgeon's favorite time?

10-donitis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"

And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.

It was gut wrenching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourlife602
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital.

I guess you could say he always delivered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SodArgon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My friend didn't trust the surgeon with no limbs

I said "don't worry, he's armless"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigconk69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I fell in love with my cardiac surgeon

He was pulling at my heart strings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?

One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I know a surgeon that puts organs back in upsidedown

I told him that's not funny but he said it was an inside joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsafestNumber
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I’ve decided to switch jobs from gardener to breast enlargements surgeon.

It was easy, both are basically implants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exturo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I asked my eye surgeon if he has had a hard time finding work.

Since it's 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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During my hip-replacement surgery, I asked my surgeon if I could inject the anesthesia myself..

Surgeon: Yeah sure. Knock yourself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappLegend
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Heard about the time the surgeons rioted?

it was an...Insurgeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.

Really takes me back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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The orthopedic surgeon finally found his model of the human wrist behind an old box of golf tees

I guess you could say he couldn’t see the faux wrist for the tees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAMWrite1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.

It was open Mike night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pilot230
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I could never become a heart surgeon. Why?

I wouldn’t have the heart to do it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungry-fangirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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My butt surgeon was top notch

He came highly rectal-mended

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What do African brain surgeons like to do in the summer

They like to go Hippo-CAMP-us

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I took my surgeon friend to an ochestra night yesterday - It went from good to great when he excitedly told me his favourite part was coming up...

... I had no idea he was such a big fan of that organ solo..!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alamerona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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What do you call a surgeon who specializes in pigs?

A pigeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realistic_pan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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What is the surgeon's favorite instrument?

The organ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bisc8-Capitalista
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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What do you call a surgeon that operates on dinosaur hearts?

A Cardio Jurassic Surgeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieceMaker42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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My bald headed surgeon friend is the most charismatic person I know.

He’s a real smooth operator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Gender reassignment surgeons should be called trans formers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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Every operation a cardiac surgeon performs is heartfelt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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That brain surgeon really opened my mind.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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A tree surgeon’s girlfriend broke up with him.

He pined fir her fir months.

Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.

(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Why are Surgeons so annoying?

They always get under people’s skin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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What did the ER Nurse say to the belligerent, know-it-all surgeon, who came in with a large laceration?

"Well fine, then. Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsUneek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: β€œSure, knock yourself out!”

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gavelhead
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

"Go ahead," he said, "Knock yourself out."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 310
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matrose9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Went to a surgeon to have my spine removed...

It was just holding me back.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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