I just threw up a bunch of alphabet soup

I think I may have Smith-Corona virus

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.

Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elizaa22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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My dad always said I loved alphabet soup growing up.

But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarke_CD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions

I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rexman3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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"Soup on the Go" so I cooped it up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krisyarno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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When I make Italian soup I always end up using dried herbs...

Because when I try to chop up fresh ones, I usually run out of thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oi_you_yeah_you
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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If Van Halen opened up a soup kitchen...

It should be named David Lee Broth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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I was sunbathing in Northern Spain when a local came up to me and gave me a bowl of soup.

It was a Basque bask bisque.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToroZuzuX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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I bought soup to heat up for dinner...

Wife: Can you man the soup while I make the grilled cheese? Me yelling at the soup cans: BE A MAN!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthebar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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I should open up a pool hall that serves Vietnamese soup...

I'd call it "Pho Cue"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogredude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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What did the chef do with his ladle?

He souped it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Baron6451
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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apparently you can’t use β€œbeef stew” as a password

it’s not stroganoff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coopershadowbebo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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A father, wanting to instil some manliness and maturity in his sons, brings them camping. The only food they get to eat is the food they get from the forest.

The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.

The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.

Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.

β€œWe played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.

Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.

β€œWe gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.

β€œOkay, and what did you have for breakfast?”

β€œPea soup.”

β€œLunch?”

β€œPea soup.”

The boys started sniggering.

β€œWhat’s so funny? And what about dinner?”

β€œNothing dad. We had pea soup too.”

β€œWell, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”

Bursting out laughing, they all said:

β€œPee soup.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neloc1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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I did not order soup

Waiter : Here's your order

Me: Where's my soup?

Waiter : What soup?

Me: nothing much what's up with you?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/indian__man
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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My friend is an egotistical chef. He’s created this new dish he’s calling his β€œopus”.

But it’s actually just mixed-up soup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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My son splashed soup all over my wife at dinner...

... After we cleaned the mess, because he thought it was party time not dinner time, my wife was sitting, defeated, on the couch lamenting having a rowdy toddler. She was listing all the things that could be different if he was calmer (the kid is always full-throttle and smart as fuck, I love it but it's a lot to handle) including not stinking like soup. I look into her eyes, hold her hands in mine, lift her chin up and said:

"Baby, I love you. You smell super."

In unrelated news, sleeping on the couch is better than advertised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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Dad Joked by my own Daughter

At dinner I mentioned how I got an award at work. My 9 year old daughter looked up, pointed at her soup and said:

"That's soup-er!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KAKAP00P00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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A soup pun

I ordered a quart of matzoh ball soup from the restaurant across the street. They usually put two matzoh balls per order, but I asked if I could have a third. The guy on the phone said he'd try to fit the extra one in.

When I went to pick up the soup, I asked the guy if he was able to get the third one in the container, and he said "Yup, the ball's in your quart now".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadCorey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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What do you call a soup factory that recently upgraded its equipment?

Souped up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamlnskl
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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A costumer got me today

So I was working in the soup and sandwich area of the food chain I work for. A man comes up and asks what soups we have today, which is a common occurrence.

Me: We have chicken noodle, cream of broccoli and...that's it.

Him: oh, I'll have that's it.

It took a minute to realized I just got hit with a dad joke and cracked up. When I hand him his food I made sure to tell him "Here is your that's it" we were both grinning ear to ear from it.

He basically made my night do a 180Β° with that joke. Thanks random dad for making my night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/truthlessshit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2015
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Where were you while we were getting high?

So I was on the red-eye flying overseas to meet my buddies for an epic roadtrip adventure. I got me a first class ticket because YOLO and I always wanted to try those convertible seat/beds.

So in the morning the flight attendants serve breakfast, which includes this tasty soup with poached egg in it. They offered drinks and they had champagne so I thought why the hell not.

There were delays and when we finally landed and I got to our meet up place, my mates were already there and gotten the bong out.

They said, "Where were you while we were getting high?"

"I was having..." and I turned to them, took my sunglasses off, and said, "champagne, soup and ova in the sky."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaudette
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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My best puns!
  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

  1. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CORALGRIMES357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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My Dad and his debut on DadJokes.

So my girlfriend and I got in my dads Subaru and started it up. We paused and noticing everyone smelled something I chimed up. "It smells kinda like miso soup in here." Girlfriend agreed and my dad looked at me puzzled and then changed expressions before saying, "oh yeah, that's my new cologne. It's a rare line of perfume called Me So Sexy."

I wanted to shake my head in shame but I laughed my ass off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordDestrus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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Made my dad proud tonight

We went to a hibachi place for dinner and i ordered miso soup as part of my appetizer.

Mom: Why did you get soup? You know this meal is going to fill you up.

Me: Well, i guess because miso hungry.

My dad did the "not bad" face to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjanuary
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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From my girlfriend...

I'm microwaving up some leftover soup.

Microwave dings, finally done. I pull the soup out of the microwave, and triumphantly exclaim, "Soup!"

My girlfriend quips, "There it is!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirratus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Cooking with my lady tonight...

I was cooking some broiled salmon with dill (key word here), capers and lemon. She REALLY wanted to use the Henckels 8" utility knife to cut up some celery and carrots for some soup while I was stripping the dill for the salmon. After she asked for the knife (we have plenty, but this has the best edge), I said, "What is your DILLS?! Just use another knife!" I had to repeat it two times before she got it and let out a she let out a huge groan while I got a good chuckle to myself. ^I'll^show^myself^out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dome215
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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While going to pick up food with my dad

We were going to pick up good from our local Vietnamese restaurant and we were getting pho, a vietnamese soup. My dad pulls into the parking lot and asks me to go get the food, and I groan, so he says "aw what the pho, its not even a big deal". Ha ha dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strictlyaverage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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