My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..
They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Today I took a single Cheerio from my sonβs bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said βWatch out...β
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︎ Oct 26 2020
A donkey just smashed through my window!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I accidentally smashed a window recently.
It was a pane to replace.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.
It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I had to bring a smashed boomerang back to Walmart yesterday.
Fantastic returns policy.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 31 2020
My girlfriend and I smashed toes trying to kiss each other
I replied in agony nice toe meet you.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 03 2020
Police found a dead chickpea that was smashed
They ruled it out as hummuscide
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︎ Jun 05 2020
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.
Really brought a tier to my eye.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 01 2020
Where do crows go to get smashed?
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︎ Jan 17 2020
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︎ Apr 01 2020
My frosted glass windows smashed this afternoon
It's unclear what happened
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︎ Feb 09 2020
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy
They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
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︎ Nov 09 2019
What do you call a smashed avocado that travels by foot?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 31 2019
I dropped and smashed my disco ball today.
Now I've got 7000 years bad luck.
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︎ Jun 11 2019
I believe it's wrong for humans to selectively breed dogs until their faces are smashed flat and they can't breathe normally.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 28 2018
What did people call batman and Robin after the joker smashed them with a giant fly swatter?
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 06 2019
Did you hear about the Bruce Willis movie where his power is to put smashed dishes back together?
Summer 2019 - "Unbreak-a-bowl" coming to a theater near you!
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 05 2018
I waited in line for 45 minutes earlier for smashed pea soup that was clearly spoiled.
That restaurant needs to mind their peas and queues.
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︎ Apr 04 2018
A woman's mattress escaped from her bedroom, smashed up her belongings, and ran away with her husband
She always had problems controlling her Tempur
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 06 2017
There was a guy who got his entire left side smashed by a train
I heard he is all right now
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 31 2016
My friend's dad smashed a bee on the wall
then turned to us with a triumphant face while proclaiming "I turned that bee into a was.
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︎ Nov 10 2013
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 18k
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︎ Jun 22 2020
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