These are Geometry dash puns if you didn’t know v.redd.it/szgs2c7157631
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrgopher17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Did you hear about the naked toddler competing in the Olympics' 100m dash?

He was running a little behind.

(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16
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My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash...

He's better off in the long run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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GF's dad posted this on facebook with the caption "Can't believe this guy left his GPS on his dash when he went in the store."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenne782
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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At the Olympic 100 meter dash, they had no tape for the end, so a bunch of people from Finland volunteered to stand at the end in place of the tape. It was a Finnish line.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSuspicious_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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I’m trying to remember who won the 100 meter dash at the Asian Games last year

I think it might’ve been a Thai

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acmed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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The airline says replacing old Dash-8s with new 737s will mean quicker flights on all impacted routes, but...

it’s obviously a longer plane ride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19
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Deer lord
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeC4YeD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22
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What do you call telling someone your sad in dots and dashes?

Morose code

Shout out to u/thelifesponge for inspiration on this one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
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Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.

Now they can Scandinavian!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
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A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Fun fact

Did you know, in high school, the rapper logic did the 100 meter dash, AND the 400 meter dash?

He's biracial

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_midnightmare
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24
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I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal, a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...

He had to dine and dash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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A Well Balanced Breakfast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrscoggins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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My friend told me "I think I overuse hyphens in my writing."

I answered "When it comes to using hyphens, just a dash will do."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I'm Hurt, I'm Confused, My Mind is in Turmohel.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdkluber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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My friend was creating the world's longest string of hyphens when he had a family emergency...

He had to dash away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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When I was a kid, I really wanted to learn Morse Code

...my hopes were dashed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yitzilitt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?

a 100 meter dash.

Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomotho
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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What do you call it when the Incredibles get delivery?

DoorDash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajohn555
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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A pun sprints into a bar...

And the bartender says, 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. This happens 6 more times over the next week.

7 days later...

A pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. The bartender says 'Aaha! THAT'S THE RUNNING JOKE!!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Old Fashioned

Some might call it old fashioned but I enjoy my bourbon with a dash of bitters and a sugar cube

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFuJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
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Upstairs, Downstairs: a dad's malicious compliance

I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well. > Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-SQB-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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So I'm at the store today, and I've gathered my items. I head for the checkout to pay for all of my stuff, while on my way there, I see a guy acting a little strange, but I continue on my way.

I set my items on the counter, and the cashier starts ringing them up one after another while I wait patiently. I notice the guy in line behind me a few people still acting a little weird, antsy is how I would describe it.

Anyways, the cashier snaps me out of my thoughts by telling me my total and as I go to reach for my wallet, I see the guy dashing out the door.... as in transfixed on his fleeing image, my hand reaches my pocket and I realize he's stolen my wallet!

I make a mad dash for him, chasing him down in the middle of the parking lot. He reaches his vehicle at the other end and as he hops in, I catch up to him and I'm able to grab his leg. I start pulling his leg and pulling his leg harder and harder trying to get him out.

I keep pulling his leg very similarly to how I've been pulling your leg for the last minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arriv

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Some stories I'd like to share.

I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.

I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.

Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"

Dad: "I think so."

Me: "Well, what was it?"

Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."

We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.

Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the st

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGGLY_BALL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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Thats why they call it a dashboard...

So my daughter this morning put a bunch of stuff on the dashboard so when I took off it all ended up in her lap.

> Me: Thats why they call it a dashboard not a shelf

> <she kind of shrugged it off and a few minutes pass>

> Her: what?

> Me: Because everything dashes at you when the car takes off :DDDD

> Her: <rolls eyes>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitalfiz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
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I DadJoked my wife in the car...

We were taking the back roads instead of the highway because the schedule wasn't tight and it was a nice day

We had stopped in a little town and got ice cream as a treat. I was getting a little silly doing voices and accents when we passed a dog kennel business. My wife read the sign:

"Jones' Dog Kennels - Boarding and Breeding"...
She said: "Hmmm... Wonder what they breed"

I piped up in my best hillbilly voice: "Well, that depends on what we're boarding this week."

She spit ice cream all over the windshield and dash.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2014
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I think this is a dad joke

I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.

A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annua

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phallivore
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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My brother and I were playing Mario Kart

My brother finished a mario kart double dash race in 2 minutes, 39.001 seconds. He said that if he was a millisecond faster he would have had an even second. I reminded him no, it would have been an odd second

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmNateHello
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biseriousjohn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Chairman Mao once sought to become a physician

Unfortunately, his dreams were dashed by a bout of Mao-practice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derwiki
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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My dad dropped this on my mother last weekend

As my mom started pulling out of the gas station, the chime started going off. She looked down at the dash and read out loud "passenger door is ajar." My dad responded with "make up your mind. Is it a door or a jar?" We then high fived.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistapiss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
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Dinner

We got a take-and-bake pizza.

Wife: "Did you time that pizza?"

Me: "Yeah. And it didn't run a very fast 40 yard dash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kibasoul
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Fiancee gave me a good setup

Her: If there's a Mrs. Dash, what does Mr. Dash do? Me: Oh, he's a stay-at-home dad, he takes care of their daughter, Emily. Her: (blank stare) Me: They call her Em. Her: (blank stare)

I then had to explain what an em dash is, but I still got a good laugh about it. She rolled over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/israeljeff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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Figured I'd share the Dad joke I told to my fellow runners while running an endurance course.

I ran a local Tough Mudder-like race in September (called Boldr Dash) which featured many obstacles over a four mile course. One of the obstacles was a huge ladder made out of tires that we had to climb up and over. While waiting my turn to climb it, I turned to the line and said "I hope nobody's TIRED!"

The combination of fatigue and disgust at my joke was everyone's reaction. A group groan, it was beautiful!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSteele
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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While in the car with my friends dad...

My friends dad was driving me home in his Mazda protΓ©gΓ© (early 2000's), and some of the lights in the dash weren't turning on. He turns to my buddy and tells him that the car was made in India, and at this point we're all kind of confused. He smacks the dashboard and the lights come back on and he says to us "I just needed to Bangladesh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mackhasarack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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I just dad-joked my boss over some illustration

He told me he wanted a highlighted line, possibly dashed, as part of an animation (for teaching maths to kids). He has set a decidedly minimalistic but eye-catching style that I need to follow, so after a few tweaks, trying to get the right proportions and a nice look, I turned around to him and asked 'Is this along the right lines'?

It was only after I said it I realised the accidental genius of what I had just said, so I simply had to point it out.

He responded with '...I'll let you off this time.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatthemeh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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my uncle tried to get away with this one

uncle reading the message on the dash in his car: "the door is ajar.. no it isn't, the door is a door."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theothersam
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelifesponge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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