He was running a little behind.
(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)
He's better off in the long run.
I think it might’ve been a Thai
it’s obviously a longer plane ride.
I call it Norse Code
He's a Door Dash Hound
Shout out to u/thelifesponge for inspiration on this one!
One asked, "Why are we going so fast?" "Don't you see?" said the other. "It says 'Tear along dashed line.'"
Now they can Scandinavian!
...but I hate the 100 meter dash.
"woof" guy replies
Not much dash in that hound
Credit u/themayanacockandlips on r/aww
Did you know, in high school, the rapper logic did the 100 meter dash, AND the 400 meter dash?
It was a Shih Tzu
He had to dine and dash.
I answered "When it comes to using hyphens, just a dash will do."
a 100 meter dash.
Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.
He had to dash away.
...my hopes were dashed
And the bartender says, 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. This happens 6 more times over the next week.
7 days later...
A pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. The bartender says 'Aaha! THAT'S THE RUNNING JOKE!!!'
Some might call it old fashioned but I enjoy my bourbon with a dash of bitters and a sugar cube
I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well.
> Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."
I set my items on the counter, and the cashier starts ringing them up one after another while I wait patiently. I notice the guy in line behind me a few people still acting a little weird, antsy is how I would describe it.
Anyways, the cashier snaps me out of my thoughts by telling me my total and as I go to reach for my wallet, I see the guy dashing out the door.... as in transfixed on his fleeing image, my hand reaches my pocket and I realize he's stolen my wallet!
I make a mad dash for him, chasing him down in the middle of the parking lot. He reaches his vehicle at the other end and as he hops in, I catch up to him and I'm able to grab his leg. I start pulling his leg and pulling his leg harder and harder trying to get him out.
I keep pulling his leg very similarly to how I've been pulling your leg for the last minute.
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He... keep reading on reddit ➡
We were taking the back roads instead of the highway because the schedule wasn't tight and it was a nice day
We had stopped in a little town and got ice cream as a treat. I was getting a little silly doing voices and accents when we passed a dog kennel business. My wife read the sign:
"Jones' Dog Kennels - Boarding and Breeding"...
She said: "Hmmm... Wonder what they breed"
I piped up in my best hillbilly voice: "Well, that depends on what we're boarding this week."
She spit ice cream all over the windshield and dash.
So my daughter this morning put a bunch of stuff on the dashboard so when I took off it all ended up in her lap.
> Me: Thats why they call it a dashboard not a shelf
> <she kind of shrugged it off and a few minutes pass>
> Her: what?
> Me: Because everything dashes at you when the car takes off :DDDD
> Her: <rolls eyes>