These are Geometry dash puns if you didn’t know v.redd.it/szgs2c7157631
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrgopher17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Did you hear about the naked toddler competing in the Olympics' 100m dash?

He was running a little behind.

(I believe this to be original; but I wasn't willing to risk searching for the key terms required to determine if someone else came up with it... apologies if I'm repeating a long ago joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash...

He's better off in the long run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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GF's dad posted this on facebook with the caption "Can't believe this guy left his GPS on his dash when he went in the store."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenne782
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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The 100 meter dash is just speedrunning in real life
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bropacalypse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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At the Olympic 100 meter dash, they had no tape for the end, so a bunch of people from Finland volunteered to stand at the end in place of the tape. It was a Finnish line.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSuspicious_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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I’m trying to remember who won the 100 meter dash at the Asian Games last year

I think it might’ve been a Thai

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acmed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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The airline says replacing old Dash-8s with new 737s will mean quicker flights on all impacted routes, but...

it’s obviously a longer plane ride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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What do you call an apology letter written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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I invented a way to communicate in dots and dashes to Norwegians...

I call it Norse Code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My dog just lazes around all day waiting for his next meal to be delivered.

He's a Door Dash Hound

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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What do you call telling someone your sad in dots and dashes?

Morose code

Shout out to u/thelifesponge for inspiration on this one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Two mice were hurrying across a cracker box.

One asked, "Why are we going so fast?" "Don't you see?" said the other. "It says 'Tear along dashed line.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wthreye
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.

Now they can Scandinavian!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Deer lord
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeC4YeD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...

Must dash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
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This might sound a little racist...

...but I hate the 100 meter dash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryGeneric
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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My weiner dog is so lazy...

Not much dash in that hound

Credit u/themayanacockandlips on r/aww

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?

Dashing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenthegreen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Fun fact

Did you know, in high school, the rapper logic did the 100 meter dash, AND the 400 meter dash?

He's biracial

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_midnightmare
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal, a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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A Well Balanced Breakfast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrscoggins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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I'm Hurt, I'm Confused, My Mind is in Turmohel.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdkluber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...

He had to dine and dash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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My friend told me "I think I overuse hyphens in my writing."

I answered "When it comes to using hyphens, just a dash will do."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?

a 100 meter dash.

Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomotho
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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My friend was creating the world's longest string of hyphens when he had a family emergency...

He had to dash away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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When I was a kid, I really wanted to learn Morse Code

...my hopes were dashed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yitzilitt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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What do you call it when the Incredibles get delivery?

DoorDash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajohn555
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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A pun sprints into a bar...

And the bartender says, 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. This happens 6 more times over the next week.

7 days later...

A pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says 'We don't serve puns here.' So the pun dashes out. The bartender says 'Aaha! THAT'S THE RUNNING JOKE!!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Old Fashioned

Some might call it old fashioned but I enjoy my bourbon with a dash of bitters and a sugar cube

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFuJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
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Upstairs, Downstairs: a dad's malicious compliance

I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well. > Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-SQB-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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So I'm at the store today, and I've gathered my items. I head for the checkout to pay for all of my stuff, while on my way there, I see a guy acting a little strange, but I continue on my way.

I set my items on the counter, and the cashier starts ringing them up one after another while I wait patiently. I notice the guy in line behind me a few people still acting a little weird, antsy is how I would describe it.

Anyways, the cashier snaps me out of my thoughts by telling me my total and as I go to reach for my wallet, I see the guy dashing out the door.... as in transfixed on his fleeing image, my hand reaches my pocket and I realize he's stolen my wallet!

I make a mad dash for him, chasing him down in the middle of the parking lot. He reaches his vehicle at the other end and as he hops in, I catch up to him and I'm able to grab his leg. I start pulling his leg and pulling his leg harder and harder trying to get him out.

I keep pulling his leg very similarly to how I've been pulling your leg for the last minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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I DadJoked my wife in the car...

We were taking the back roads instead of the highway because the schedule wasn't tight and it was a nice day

We had stopped in a little town and got ice cream as a treat. I was getting a little silly doing voices and accents when we passed a dog kennel business. My wife read the sign:

"Jones' Dog Kennels - Boarding and Breeding"...
She said: "Hmmm... Wonder what they breed"

I piped up in my best hillbilly voice: "Well, that depends on what we're boarding this week."

She spit ice cream all over the windshield and dash.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2014
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Thats why they call it a dashboard...

So my daughter this morning put a bunch of stuff on the dashboard so when I took off it all ended up in her lap.

> Me: Thats why they call it a dashboard not a shelf

> <she kind of shrugged it off and a few minutes pass>

> Her: what?

> Me: Because everything dashes at you when the car takes off :DDDD

> Her: <rolls eyes>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitalfiz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelifesponge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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