How do collision repair shops meet new customers?

By accident

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👤︎ u/Scrpn17w
📅︎ Aug 24 2018
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What is a baseball player's favorite kind of traffic collision?

Hit and run.

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📅︎ Nov 12 2018
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There was a collision at sea between two tankers...one carrying blue paint, one carrying red paint.

There were no casualties but a number of crewmen were marooned.

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📅︎ Sep 30 2016
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Why was the car so depressed after its collision?

It didn't have a wheel to live.

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📅︎ Sep 20 2018
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I saw a headline that stated "Navy proposes sweeping changes after collision."

My immediate response was "What good will new brooms do?"

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📅︎ Nov 02 2017
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There was a collision on the freeway involving a church bus.

Nun survived.

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👤︎ u/scnottaken
📅︎ Mar 01 2016
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My girlfriend should learn to buckle up when she gets in a head on collision with my dadjokes.

My girlfriend was shopping for a new vehicle when she messaged me and said, "I can't find a standard to test drive. It saddens me."

To which I replied, "You mean it sedans you?"

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📅︎ Dec 29 2014
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A psychic got in a head on collision with an 18 wheeler

I can't believe she didn't see it coming.

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📅︎ Jul 26 2015
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I told my dad that Major League Baseball is banning collisions at home plate...

He responded... http://imgur.com/vJI33Rx

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📅︎ Dec 14 2013
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What is a solid answer to a solid question?

A collision.

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📅︎ Jul 28 2019
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What does Trump say about a car crash he was involved in?

No Collision!

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📅︎ Dec 19 2018
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Did you know that the Headless Horseman was in an accident shortly before he lost his head?

I heard it was a head-on collision.

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📅︎ Oct 30 2018
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[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/spartan-44
📅︎ Jun 15 2017
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Got my wife as she explained something to our toddler.

My wife couldn't open a jar of grape jelly. Our two year old didn't understand why she had to bring it to me. He was only concerned with how long it was taking to make his sandwich. I opened it, but it was pretty hard because the jelly had caked around the threads and dried in place, gluing the lid to the jar.

My wife saw our son getting impatient and told him, "Hold on kiddo, mommy couldn't open the jar, so she had to bring it to daddy. Even daddy had a hard time opening it."

At this point, my internal dad joke radar started screaming a proximity warning. The collision with a dad joke was imminent. I smiled, took half a second to bask in my dad glory, and added, "Yeah, it was jammed."

Wife groaned, but son laughed (because he saw the lid was finally open). I take whatever I can get.

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📅︎ Sep 20 2014
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EMT teacher got us with this one

We were reviewing different forms of traumatic injuries in my EMT class such as traffic collisions, gun shot wounds, and resulting effects and treatments for the injuries when my teacher pulls this one on us:

Teacher: "So what would come after falls then?"

Student: "Spinal immobilization?"

Teacher: "Winters."

Edit: some words

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📅︎ Feb 12 2016
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As I get my kids to sleep

My wife asks me to look at my 2yo's nose (she had a collision with the wall earlier today). I look hard and close. I say "it looks red...it looks...like it smells". Queue eye roll.

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👤︎ u/Yuaskin
📅︎ Oct 18 2016
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Too soon?

Disclaimer: I'm not a Dad.

Yesterday my sister posted on facebook that her son had had a collision with a coffee table, the result of which is 6 stitches next to his eye, and his eye has swollen up.

My facebook response: "Sounds like he'll be eyeing the coffee table sideways for a little while."

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👤︎ u/nibrox
📅︎ Mar 02 2014
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