I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...
I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
Did you hear about the guy who bought an electric car and got in a wreck just after he left the dealership?
He turned over a new Leaf.
Zuul asks Peter Venkman if he wants to wreck up a city and toast marshmallows in the flames.
Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."
Took a demolitions class, first day was a train-wreck.
This entire chain is a train wreck (and there is a lot more than this)
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
My mom got in a bicycle wreck today after a wasp flew into her shirt. This is what my dad said:
"When people ask, mom can just say "you should see the other guy. He reached down my shirt, we got in a fight, and I killed him!""
Everyone drives wreckless until we get into a wreck.
Person one: "Don't put the pots and pans in the dishwasher, it wrecks the anti-stick stuff. That's how I ruined that big pan."
Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."
Did you hear about the Swedish car that got into a wreck?
"I read an article years ago that most wrecks happen within a quarter mile of your house..."
Dadjoked by boyfriend while watching Wreck it Ralph
So tonight my boyfriend, roommate and I are watching Wreck it Ralph with some friends. We're about a half an hour in and we are at the scene right before Venelope throws the medal into the funnel thing(?). King Candy is currently throwing candy to the audience members who are made out of candy.
Guy Friend: Wait. So. They're made out of candy, but King Candy is giving them candy to eat???
Boyfriend: Yeah. They're candybals.
Roommate and I dissolve into a fit of giggles.
Why are Eastern Europeans always getting into wrecks on their way to work?
My car was wrecked by a sheep the other day.
In hindsight, the sheep probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place.
What happened to the frog when he wrecked his car ?
What kind of dinosaur drives a car?
What do you call a rectangle that got into a car accident?
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
What kind of car does the moon drive?
Miley Cyrus was gonna hit Covid like a wrecking ball
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?
Tried to count to 1,000 in my car yesterday, but only got to 500 before I wrecked
My car was twitching after a recent accident.
What do you call a triangle thats had too much to drink?
A train engineer pled insanity for wrecking the train.
That was his loco-motive.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
Wife: I have ovaries
Husband: is that why you ovary act?
It's amazing how some word's spellings change between America and Britain
For instance, in America they call Tyrannosaurus Rex a T-Rex and in England they call them a Tea-Rex
Did you hear about the proctologist who had a car accident?
What was that dinosaur with a wrecking ball hanging from its tail?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
I find it strange that reckless drivers...
I heard a guy crying on the curb this morning because he wrecked his car
“Was it a Saab?”
No, more of a whimper
Wrecking balls are very powerful...
Truly a force to be wreckin’ with.
I bought a new car that tells jokes, but I wrecked it
What happened was, we were crossing an intersection and the car said, "Stop me if you've heard this one."
TIL about the big pile ups on the Cretaceous highway.
They were tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?
What shakes at the bottom of the ocean?
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
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