It scared my wife pretty bad.
I assured her he’s all right.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
...Colby
Trick question, they are actually quacktose intolerant
but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/
because everyone else before me went ham on it.
It had grater plans.
It left them in pieces.
Because it went through a cheese greater!
We all looked for the ear so we could take it to hospital to get it sewn on. Whats this here. And shows us a bloody ear. The builder said i dont know whos that ear is its not mine. How can you tell we asked. Cos mine had a pencil behind it!
But if you ask me, that’s just bologna.
He calls it the Colesla.
It was the director's cut.
But how come nobody ever mentions the jackhammer?
They're bread.
i mean they are quite remarkable
It's like: pat, pat... pat, pat.
It was the best wurst pizza I’ve ever eaten.
So was heading out of my room to the hallway and right when I opened the door, I ran into my roommate eating a plain slice of bread. We both surprised each other, so we just froze for a second. I don't even know how it happened, but the words instinctively came out of my mouth as if I was born to say them.
"Looks like I caught you...bread-handed."
Needless to say their blood oranges now
I told her she better start trying alternatives soon, it's going to be hard to quit eating her current lunch cold turkey.
Next day you are toast.
There was naan.
He said, "What?! It's Decor!"
I ask my dad if he wants a sliced carrot.
My wife tells me, "You could have peeled the carrots".
I didn't out of laziness so I respond with, "What? It builds character".
My wife laughs and says, " Haha. Dad jokes".
I look at my dad and in that moment I realized I was oblivious to my joke the same way I've seen my dad oblivious to his own dad jokes over the years.
I'm a new dad.
