We talk about groundbreaking inventions like electricity, and sliced bread, and television...

But how come nobody ever mentions the jackhammer?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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The best joke since sliced bread

So was heading out of my room to the hallway and right when I opened the door, I ran into my roommate eating a plain slice of bread. We both surprised each other, so we just froze for a second. I don't even know how it happened, but the words instinctively came out of my mouth as if I was born to say them.

"Looks like I caught you...bread-handed."

πŸ‘︎ 508
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guess_my_password
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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Whiteboards are the best thing since sliced bread..

i mean they are quite remarkable

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremyqsuiter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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The Best Rapper Since Sliced Bread
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunPantry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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One day you are the best thing since sliced bread.

Next day you are toast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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I went to an Indian bakery for some sliced bread.

There was naan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
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What do call it when you put two slices of bread around your foot?

A below-knee sandwich

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeah_suree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What do you get when you put a blunt wooden weapon inbetween two slices of bread?

A club sandwich.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrikamiPanio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Germans don't like it when you put sausage and cheese on the same slice of bread.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/15_Redstones
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What do you call a sandwich with one slice of whole wheat bread and one slice of white bread?

⬆️

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/petrikm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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What do you call a stack of 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zephyx10
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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I wanted more bread so I placed a slice in a cage

It's now being bread in captivity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbasyar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I've recently taken to just eating a single slice of bread for dinner

It's a wholemeal slice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Iron-Turtle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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I ordered a liver sandwich from a local deli and all I got was 2 slices of bread with mayo on it.

It was delivered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2017
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I went to the zoo yesterday and I saw a piece of toast in a cage.

When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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My son told me he was hungry (not a "Hi Hungry I'm dad." joke)

Me: "You want me to make you a sandwich?"

Son: "Ummm ... sure."

Me: grabs two slices of bread and puts his hand in between them "There, you're a hand sandwich."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rtwpsom2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.

He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, β€œThis bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, β€œDad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, β€œIt’s better to halve it and not knead it.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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So this happened

Me and my boyfriend, making breakfast.

Me: Can you please roast the last slice of bread for me?

BF: Yes, sure.

Takes out the bread, looks at it and says: YOU'RE UGLY!

Me: *laughing* NOT THAT KIND OF ROASTING!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enekas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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He's bread Jim!
πŸ‘︎ 491
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheravi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
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At lunch for my dads birthday.

The menu says "eat, drink, and feel Merry"

Dad says "and then Mary got mad and went home"

Hehehehehehe

πŸ‘︎ 788
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandino788
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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The ends...

Wife (making sandwiches and referring to the end slices of bread): β€œDo you want the ends?”

Me: as long as they justify the means.”

Wife: (groans)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhelling1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Panini's!

I really love this new panini press I just bought

Its the greatest thing FOR sliced bread :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigcaslon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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The Fresh Prince had a great dad joke...

Will: Make me a sandwich

Jeffrey puts a slice of bread on Will's head

Jeffrey: There, you're a sandwich.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clownonanerd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
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Dads proudest prank moment

Dad is putting butter on my brothers bread slice. My brother doesn't want to have butter only in the center.

Brother: "Put butter on the edges"

Dad puts butter on the outside edges of the slice and hands it back to brother.

Brother is not amused.

Dad: "You told me to put butter on the edges" :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/initysteppa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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Toast (you all know where this is going, right?)

At dinner this evening, discussing the bread we were eating.

Me: I should have toasted mine before I put butter on it.

Dad: Here, I'll toast it for you. Raises glass "Here's to Hatgirl's slice!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatgirlstargazer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
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A mom joke from my childhood

I'm too young to remember this one but it's one of my sisters favorite childhood memories. She's asked that I share it with you.

My mom was in the kitchen one afternoon making lunch for the family. She asked my dad what he wanted to eat and he replied "a light sandwich"

My mom then proceeded to put a small light bulb in his sandwich (small enough to not be super noticeable.

My sister, probably about 5 years old, was in a fit of giggles as she had noticed this. He took off the top slice of bread and saw the light bulb and just stared at my mom.

"Well...you did say you wanted a light sandwich"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandino788
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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