β€œDad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”

β€œAw, baloney.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Some people call circular-sliced hot dogs β€œlunch meat”...

But if you ask me, that’s just bologna.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wutisthis66204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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What kind of lunch meat dances inappropriately?

Twerkey.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swg629
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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What is The Beast's favorite lunch meat?

Belle-oney!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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My wife and I were talking about starting a family and all the health things you're supposed to do like not eat processed sliced meats. Unfortunately she currently eats a turkey sandwich most days for her lunch.

I told her she better start trying alternatives soon, it's going to be hard to quit eating her current lunch cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-stormageddon-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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I'm finally over my lunch meat addiction

I quit cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tdowns31
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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What is a shin's favorite lunch meat?

below-knee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aroihtum
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
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My fridge was turned up too high and my lunch meat froze.

Guess I'm quitting cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDataMeister
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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I gave my kid cheap deli meat for lunch

After eating a whole bunch, he said "I'm hungry" I replied, "you're full of balogna."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yismeicha
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
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What is a skier's favorite lunch meat?

Slalomi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phalanX_X
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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The lunch meat in my sandwich was made from cow shins...

It was below knee.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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What's a ghost's favorite lunch meat?

Boologna (from Ed,Edd, and Eddy)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Fiasko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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What's a Namekian's favorite lunch meat?

Pickle loaf

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rklamer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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Dad's take on lunch meat

How is corned beef made?

By people standing around it and telling bad jokes (introspective pause) like this one.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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If /puns were to host a fence building party according to the rules...

(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)

  1. No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.

  2. The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.

  3. If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.

  4. Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.

  5. You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.

  6. If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.

  7. When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...

For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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Dad joke my mom at lunch, stunned look follows

My family is notorious for bad puns, yesterday my wife and daughter, niece, parents were sitting having a nice bbq for lunch. My mom is telling us about how a friend of hers says that instead of cucumbers on your eyes for a facial, use mayonnaise on your face instead. To which I replied, "put some meat and lettuce and tomatoes on it also so you can have an open face sandwhich." The stunned look from my mom and howling from the rest of the table told me it was a new level of dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeeper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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Why would I want to buy uncured ham?

I prefer my lunch meat to be disease-free.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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My paid lunch break turned into getting paid to be dad joked.

While at lunch with my father yesterday...

Me: I think I'm gonna get the steak tartare burger.

Dad: Sounds rough

Me: What do you mean, pop?

Dad: Well, I have a pretty strong stomach, but at this age, digesting raw meat is a whole different animal.

Thanks, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshuallahBear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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I was going to give up lunch meat for lent...

but I just couldn't quit cold turkey!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knumb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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