Wife: I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?
Husband: You have a perfect eyesight
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jun 03 2021
My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me me...
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!"
π︎ 101
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Finally my winter fat has gone...
Now, I have spring rolls.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 903
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 12 2021
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
π︎ 9
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︎ May 09 2021
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 05 2021
What do you call a fat alchoholic?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble
Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"
Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
What does Thor need now that heβs fat?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
What do fat people die of?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
Ny wife's got so fat, that I've had to keep all the fattening stuff at a place she can't reach....
π︎ 17
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︎ Apr 01 2021
So I'm not fat but I tried the rowing machine
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 21 2021
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, βWill you still love me when Iβm old, fat, and balding?β She smiled and answered...
π︎ 20
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︎ Mar 27 2021
My wife told me, β Donβt get upset if someone calls you fat.β
βYouβre much bigger than that.β
π︎ 127
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Relationships are like fat people....
Most of them don't work out.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
I'm fat, because I'm full of experiences...
.....and most of these experiences involved Mexican food.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
I never worry about how fat I am
They say good things come to those who weight
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
It doesnβt matter if youβre tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
π︎ 240
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
What do you call a fat ariana grande?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife said to me, "am I getting fat?"
"No, sweetheart, you've been fat for years." I'll miss her.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
Why did the clock get fat?
It kept going for seconds.
π︎ 193
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
My son is getting so fat, I've decided to put all his favourite snacks at a place he can't reach.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Fat Tuesday?
Yep, and the rest of the week too!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
What do you call a fat polar bear?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
My wife told me, βYou shouldnβt take it personally if people call you fat...β
...βYou are much bigger than that.β
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...
Iβve had a lot on my plate recently.
π︎ 57
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︎ Jan 10 2021
My wife complains that I'm getting fat. So this winter I decided to diet.
It's called inter"mitten" fasting to keep my hands of food
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
I don't understand how Elvis got so fat....
He ate nothing but a hound dog.
Thank you, thank you very much.....
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
How does a clock get fat?
It gains weight OVER TIME
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice
π︎ 386
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
π︎ 71
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Someone called me fat
But did I get mad? No, I was the bigger man.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Where are fat people from?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
My winter fat is all gone...
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 29 2021
My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
π︎ 500
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
My winter fat is gone!
π︎ 26
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
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