Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?

They know how to break the ice

πŸ‘︎ 379
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
I told my wife β€œdon’t get upset when people call you fat......”

β€œ.....you’re bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 713
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobwyc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Why are demons fat...

Because they hate exorcising!

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bcm929
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
You can go from fat to fit

With one good vowel movement

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grynde7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
I like large animals, but hippos are just plain fat

Some people may consider this hippo-critical

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
I'm not fat..

Just horizontally tall.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_leg_number3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
The wife asks if she got fat during the quarantine

I said you were never skinny to begin with. Time of death 1 minute later. Cause COVID

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strabadhure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Why don't trees get fat?

They eat light.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
If Dwayne Johson was fat, what would you call his manboobs?

The Rocky Mountains

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œDon’t stress out too much because your friends call you fat..”

...”You’re much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
My wife was worried that she was going to get fat, just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.

She broke the bicycle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomedjman001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Synonym rolls only make your vocabulary fat!
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLisaShow2020
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
The easy way to get from fat to fit:

Just takes a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Websites have always seemed kinda fat...

I guess they have a lot of cookies...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?

It’s made with hole milk.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoolaidPower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Who knew I would fall in love with a low-carb, high-fat diet?

Turns out it had the Keto my heart this whole time

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/witz33
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Y'all hear about the fat lady that got arrested at the airport?

They didn't find any dope on her, but they found 112 pounds of crack!

(Brought to you by my grandpa.)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatesandwich
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Where do all the fat people live?

Obe-city

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PixelLeader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
How does a fat German say "Hello"?

Gluten Tag!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydramanium
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Why do witch doctors never get fat?

Because they’re always exorcising.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheglet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I occasionally read tarot cards, with decent accuracy. Because of my weight and ability many call me a fat psychic.

I prefer the term β€œfour-chin tellerβ€œ.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Dad, I feel fat and ugly... Give me a compliment...

Dad: You have good eyesight !

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Forkos34
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
My wife says I’m getting fat, but in my defense....

I’ve had a lot on my plate recently

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Why was the mathematician fat?

Cause he ate 3 squared meals a day

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat Russian?

A Siberian husky!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Palerthanghosts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend has a fat orange cat that looks like a pumpkin. She tells him he’s beautiful.

I tell him he’s gourdeous.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cerealkillr95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
What does a fat guy get when he plays dodgeball?

Hit

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.

Its Spam.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JTHinton
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
"Honey, you aren't fat...

... you're just more than i've ever wanted."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxx103
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
10% of women think their ass is too skinny....20% of women think their ass is too fat...

...60% of say they don’t care, they love him, he is a good man. And they wouldn’t trade him for the world.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brt_k
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend used to be a hoe but she got fat

Now she's a shovel

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife : "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment to cheer me up"

"You have perfect eyesight"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
My snowman is a bit fat, but it's all water weight. imgur.com/kwHfWB1
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kodyodyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do a fat guy and a rich Brit have in common?

They both got lots of pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nbabmp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate love the fat girl?

Because she was thiccccccc with seven β€˜C’s.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippTheRipper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œDon’t get upset if people call you fat...”

β€œYou are much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat ginger

Fed Sheeran

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed

Chin-tax error

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jskell89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”

β€œYou’re much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Fat Stacks
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are priests fat?

They have a lot of mass.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TuvoksDoRag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pae913
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the cheese say to the milk after he called the butter fat?

Yoghurting his feelings

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peppyskrt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...

I've had a lot on my plate recently.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do raccoons get fat?

Because their diet is trash.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Beer doesn't make you fat

It makes you lean

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a city ran by fat people?

Obescity

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ioverily
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I am unable to support the "fat-acceptance" movement

Because they're too heavy

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaxyCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œDon’t stress out if people keep calling you fat...”

..”You are much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I answered the door this morning. A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat old man...

Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Never make fun of fat girls with lisps.

They're thick and tired of it.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat jack-o'-lantern?

A plumpkin.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kenddrraahh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife asked me if it was just her, or if the cat was getting fat.

Apparently it is just you was not the correct response n

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are fat kids such good children?

They're well rounded.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinyhibachigrill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 y.o. son just discovered Yo Mama jokes. Here’s the first one he told me: Your Mama’s so fat

Donald Trump’s gonna use her for his border wall.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blisterson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the fat globule do when a paparazzi was taking photos of it?

It adi-posed

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SentientPotato42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a fat German in the morning?

Gluten morgen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZosoBoi1275
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4-chin-teller

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a low carb, high fat and protein combined with martial arts diet

Aiketo

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adopogi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What school do fat kids hate

Standford

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UkuSw0w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
As a fat guy, I try to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
You can't sugarcoat things for fat people.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StevetheOE
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a really fat bee

Obeese

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 533
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaghettiSquawk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller!

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realswagmb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eoghanr888
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_the_Chorizo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JJDDooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic

Four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamVane24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic

A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isthisgood12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

... A four-chin teller

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johannes_Cabal_NA
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yee-yee-76
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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