The Enlitenment.
She left the brownies in the oven too long
Absolut Zero
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!
That’s the last time I fall asleep with brownies in the oven.
It turns out pizzas are very good fire starters for arson.
Weird flax but 0k
Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
My Pop Tarts got stuck in the toaster.
I left the chocolate mud cake in the oven to long
I left my frozen pizza in the oven for too long
My cheese burger fell on the floor.
I forgot to take my cake out the oven...
(Yes, all credit goes to Sorted Food)
He asked if the firefighters came.
I forgot I had a pizza in the oven
So I stayed on for a little longer to see if it would make the treadmill tastier.
Who knew one word could carry so much weight.
Forgot to turn off the stove while making dinner.
"Burnt 300 Calories today!"
I said "it's just like a regular year but lower in calories."
I relied, "Cutting calories!"
Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.
To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.
I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.
Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.
You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.
The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.
The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.
Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.
Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.
But so far, I've quit cold turkey.
The Israelite has 1/3 fewer calories.
I am burning calories
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.
Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.
Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.
You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”
FORGET LOVE… I’
... keep reading on reddit ➡As we drove down the highway we passed a bunch of fire trucks all parked directly outside of a fitness center. My dad taps me on the shoulder, I turn to look at him, and he says:
"I guess somebody must have burned too many calories"
me: Honey, I burned almost 2000 calories today!!
her: Congrats!
me: Yeah, I left the tray of cookies in the oven too long and they were burnt to a crisp
her: ...
driving down I-75 when we passed fire trucks outside of an urban active gym
Mom: Look at all of those fire trucks!
Dad: wow, they must really be burning those calories!
It burns calories.
I left my brownies in the oven too long
That’s the last time I leave my brownies in the oven while I’m at work
I won’t forget to remove the brownies from the oven next time.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
Left the brownies in the oven for too long...
I left my food in the oven for too long.
Left the brownies in the oven for too long
I left my pizza in the oven too long
I left the brownies in the oven on accident!
That’s the last time I leave my cake in the oven while I nap.
I just burned 2,000 calories!
That's the last time I leave cookies in the oven while I take a nap.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
That's the last time I'll leave the brownies in the oven whilst I take a nap, that's for sure
I forgot the tray of brownies in the oven.
I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.
