My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
My wife told me, “You shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”
...”You are much bigger than that.”
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.
How does a clock get fat?
It gains weight OVER TIME
My bandmates are getting way to fat
Why did the clock get fat?
It kept going for seconds.
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
Where are fat people from?
Someone called me fat
But did I get mad? No, I was the bigger man.
Where do fat people go when they want to see into the future?
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
A TV pitchman was getting too fat ...
... butt weight there's more !
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
A fat bee went to school. Created a real buzz when he got a B+
His average friend was nonplussed with a B, and his skinny friend would always be negative about her B-
Why are demons fat
Because they hate exorcising
What do you call a fat liar sitting down?
What do you call a really fat knight?
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice
How did the spider get so fat?
It had too many butterflies.
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, “I heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, “Go on then.” First dog continues, “Knock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
What do you call a fat goose?
I told my wife “don’t get upset when people call you fat......”
“.....you’re bigger than that.”
Why did the fat guy leave the store?
He forgot his Debbie card
Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?
It's got a terrible paunch line.
A guy drank so much tea he got fat, he had to get Liptonsuction
There's a snack that's high in protein, fats, and fiber.
By slinging gobs of congealed dairy fat across the room I discovered
Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?
It’s made with hole milk.
Synonym rolls only make your vocabulary fat!
What do you call a fat psychic?
I like large animals, but hippos are just plain fat
Some people may consider this hippo-critical
The wife asks if she got fat during the quarantine
I said you were never skinny to begin with.
Time of death 1 minute later.
Cause COVID
We should thank heaven for nipples.
Without them boobs would be pointless.
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
My girlfriend said I’m getting fat...
But in my defence, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently
Wife: I look fat, Give me a compliment
Husband: You have perfect eyesight
Why are demons fat...
Because they hate exorcising!
My wife told me, “Don’t stress out too much because your friends call you fat..”
...”You’re much bigger than that.”
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
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