My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
π︎ 486
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
It doesnβt matter if youβre tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
π︎ 231
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
My wife told me, βYou shouldnβt take it personally if people call you fat...β
...βYou are much bigger than that.β
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...
Iβve had a lot on my plate recently.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
How does a clock get fat?
It gains weight OVER TIME
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My bandmates are getting way to fat
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Why did the clock get fat?
It kept going for seconds.
π︎ 193
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I have a joke about fat people with big asses.
Butt weight....That's not fanny.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
Where are fat people from?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Someone called me fat
But did I get mad? No, I was the bigger man.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Where do fat people go when they want to see into the future?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
π︎ 73
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
A TV pitchman was getting too fat ...
... butt weight there's more !
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
A fat bee went to school. Created a real buzz when he got a B+
His average friend was nonplussed with a B, and his skinny friend would always be negative about her B-
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Why are demons fat
Because they hate exorcising
π︎ 56
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
What do you call a fat liar sitting down?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
What do you call a really fat knight?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice
π︎ 384
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
How did the spider get so fat?
It had too many butterflies.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, βI heard a good joke today.β Second dog replies, βGo on then.β First dog continues, βKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
What do you call a fat goose?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
I told my wife βdonβt get upset when people call you fat......β
β.....youβre bigger than that.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
Why did the fat guy leave the store?
He forgot his Debbie card
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?
It's got a terrible paunch line.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
A guy drank so much tea he got fat, he had to get Liptonsuction
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
There's a snack that's high in protein, fats, and fiber.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
I'm not fat..
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
By slinging gobs of congealed dairy fat across the room I discovered
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
Why canβt Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?
Itβs made with hole milk.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 21 2019
Synonym rolls only make your vocabulary fat!
π︎ 48
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
I like large animals, but hippos are just plain fat
Some people may consider this hippo-critical
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
Why don't trees get fat?
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 30 2020
The wife asks if she got fat during the quarantine
I said you were never skinny to begin with.
Time of death 1 minute later.
Cause COVID
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
We should thank heaven for nipples.
Without them boobs would be pointless.
π︎ 356
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
My girlfriend said Iβm getting fat...
But in my defence, Iβve had a lot on my plate recently
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Wife: I look fat, Give me a compliment
Husband: You have perfect eyesight
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
Why are demons fat...
Because they hate exorcising!
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
My wife told me, βDonβt stress out too much because your friends call you fat..β
...βYouβre much bigger than that.β
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 29 2020
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
π︎ 101
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
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