What do you call a fat psychic?
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︎ Nov 04 2020
My bandmates are getting way to fat
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why did the clock get fat?
It kept going for seconds.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Where are fat people from?
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Someone called me fat
But did I get mad? No, I was the bigger man.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
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︎ Nov 06 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
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︎ Oct 24 2020
A TV pitchman was getting too fat ...
... butt weight there's more !
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︎ Nov 17 2020
A fat bee went to school. Created a real buzz when he got a B+
His average friend was nonplussed with a B, and his skinny friend would always be negative about her B-
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
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︎ Sep 18 2020
Why are demons fat
Because they hate exorcising
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What do you call a fat liar sitting down?
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 08 2020
What do you call a really fat knight?
π︎ 40
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︎ Sep 11 2020
My girlfriend said Iβm getting fat...
But in my defence, Iβve had a lot on my plate recently
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Wife: I look fat, Give me a compliment
Husband: You have perfect eyesight
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︎ Sep 10 2020
How did the spider get so fat?
It had too many butterflies.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, βI heard a good joke today.β Second dog replies, βGo on then.β First dog continues, βKnock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Why did the fat guy leave the store?
He forgot his Debbie card
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︎ Sep 25 2020
What do you call a fat goose?
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?
It's got a terrible paunch line.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
I told my wife βdonβt get upset when people call you fat......β
β.....youβre bigger than that.β
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︎ Aug 05 2020
A guy drank so much tea he got fat, he had to get Liptonsuction
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︎ Aug 15 2020
There's a snack that's high in protein, fats, and fiber.
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I'm not fat..
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︎ Jun 24 2020
By slinging gobs of congealed dairy fat across the room I discovered
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 12 2020
We should thank heaven for nipples.
Without them boobs would be pointless.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
π︎ 100
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︎ Nov 29 2020
I like large animals, but hippos are just plain fat
Some people may consider this hippo-critical
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Why don't trees get fat?
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︎ May 30 2020
The wife asks if she got fat during the quarantine
I said you were never skinny to begin with.
Time of death 1 minute later.
Cause COVID
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Why canβt Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?
Itβs made with hole milk.
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︎ Dec 21 2019
Synonym rolls only make your vocabulary fat!
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Settle a pun debate
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
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︎ Nov 26 2020
If Dwayne Johson was fat, what would you call his manboobs?
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Donβt, itβs very time consuming
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︎ Nov 08 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Aug 14 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 25 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 709
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︎ Jun 04 2020
Why are demons fat...
Because they hate exorcising!
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︎ Jul 22 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 538
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︎ Apr 05 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 13 2020
My wife told me, βDonβt stress out too much because your friends call you fat..β
...βYouβre much bigger than that.β
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︎ May 29 2020
What do you call a fat psychic?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Aug 27 2019
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