Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I met a pretty cool guy who fixed my ripped shirt.
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
What did the shirt and pants say when the shoes tried to walk into the store?
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
Saw this one in Walmart, it’s a baby shirt!!
Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
what did the school staff do when a student wore a shirt with a picture of a robber?
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
My son asked me to put his shirt on for him
I replied “your shirt probably wouldn’t fit me”
Once a coin saved a person's life, the coin was in his shirt pocket, the coin deflected the bullet shot at him
The coin was truly his life savings
Why do shirts get what they want.
Because they’re a-shirt-tive
Sorry if this is already a joke I just thought of it
Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...
...I have to leave Home Depot.
Anyone interested in buying my Delorean? Great condition, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
I noticed my shirt had a couple of holes in it when I was getting dressed this morning.
I thought that was pretty cool, 'cuz it gave me somewhere to put my arms.
the “Beatles for sale” album T-shirt is... for sale, and on sale.
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
Why does the Statue of Liberty wear a robe and not a T-shirt?
Well, with the extra “T” she would be a statute.
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...
I swear I nearly shipped my pants.
A stormtrooper and a red shirt get into a fight
Despite not receiving a single hit, the red shirt died.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Stained my shirt by spilling tequila on my stomach.
Something is telling me to ab-stain
You should put that on a shirt they said.
I wanted to buy a camo shirt
My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning
I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.
Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..
Policeman: Can you describe the shooter?
Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley.
P: Parsley?
W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.
I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...
I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"
I accidentally spilled tea on my shirts today
Now all I have are T-shirts.
My dad said, “I think you have an iron deficiency.”
I said, “How do you know? You are not a doctor.”
He said, “Your shirt is wrinkled.”
A girl told me to take off her shirt and skirt
Then she told me to take off her heels and bra, then she told me to take her panties off. And then she told me to stop wearing her clothes
A bunch of people said they liked my shirt
“There’s Bean an Accident” — Tee Shirt I Designed
David Beckham’s son arrived for football training.
He asked the coach, “What number shirt am I?”
The coach said “Wear four out there, Romeo”.
What do you call a shirt that rips easily?
Why can't Apple employees wear dress shirts?
Everyone at Apple hates buttons and holes, that's why they get rid of both on their new products...
What goes in one hole, and out three others?
You, putting on a t-shirt.
"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
I got a little radiation on my shirt.
He was tucking in his shirt after the microphone was attached why ?
I spilled some tea on my shirt today
I have a new tea-shirt now.
My business of making T-shirts decorated with dayglo currency was struggling, so I asked my dad for advice.
He said, “I’ve told you a million times, money doesn’t glow on Tees.”
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.
I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.
What's yellow and can't swim?
I bought a new shirt today that has the word LIFE printed across the chest
Tomorrow, I’m going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...
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