Wife bought me a shirt and I am the king of dad jokes... and honestly I'm only occasionally sarcastic
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︎ Aug 19 2021
Canβt show a picture but found a Dad Joke Champion t-shirt that I wear all the time now.
Today had a guy try to sell me electricity and told them I wasnβt interested. He quickly follows up asking me to at the very least give him a dad joke. Always on my toes I hit him with a quick, βwhat do you call a happy cowboy?β
>!a jolly rancher!<
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︎ Sep 19 2021
Clothing store Assistant: Here are the shirts. Do you want M, L, or XL?
Roman customer: Just one, thank you.
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︎ Sep 04 2021
The T-Shirt that my Daughter got me for Father's Day is a Dad Joke about Dad Jokes
I wish I could post a picture here, but it says, "Dad Jokes are how eye roll."
It's a meta-Dad joke. I'm so proud of her!
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︎ Jun 20 2021
My son thinks the T in T-shirt stands for Tyrannosaurus.
When asked why, he said it was because the shirts have tiny arms.
Credits to @PixelGuff on Twitter
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︎ Jul 31 2021
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
π︎ 14k
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What did the shirt say when the man was acting suspicious.
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︎ Jul 02 2021
what did the school staff do when a student wore a shirt with a picture of a robber?
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 16 2021
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Once a coin saved a person's life, the coin was in his shirt pocket, the coin deflected the bullet shot at him
The coin was truly his life savings
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︎ Apr 08 2021
the βBeatles for saleβ album T-shirt is... for sale, and on sale.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 07 2021
I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...
I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"
π︎ 17k
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︎ Aug 15 2019
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 13 2021
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
π︎ 26
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Why does the Statue of Liberty wear a robe and not a T-shirt?
Well, with the extra βTβ she would be a statute.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 06 2021
"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
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︎ Jun 25 2020
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.
π︎ 58
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︎ Jun 11 2020
He was tucking in his shirt after the microphone was attached why ?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 25 2020
My 5 y.o. son walked up to me with his under armour shirt on backwards so the words were on the back.
He said, βI got back words!β How did I not see that one coming?
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I bought a new shirt today that has the word LIFE printed across the chest
Tomorrow, Iβm going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...
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︎ Oct 22 2020
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didnβt collar.
π︎ 53
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︎ Jul 25 2020
At the store, my daughter found a shirt she liked on clearance. My wife asked her how much it cost.
I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."
My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 30 2020
They only had size of shirt available at the psychic convention.
Turns out they're mediums.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 26 2020
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 14 2020
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
π︎ 14
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︎ May 16 2020
I have three different levels of tan on me. One level is my arms and legs from wearing a shirt and shorts. The next level is from not wearing a shirt at the beach. And the last is under my shorts.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 21 2020
One of the T-shirts in my closet asked the other one : Whats up mate.
The other T-shirt replied : Nothing much. Just hanging out here.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 16 2020
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesnβt glow on tees.
π︎ 65
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him βHow come thereβs no charge?β
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Liveryβ
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 13 2020
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Found this in the collar of my shirt
π︎ 18
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︎ May 12 2019
My wife came back from the store today wearing a shirt with stalks of corn on it.
I asked her if she got a good deal on her new crop top, and she heard me from across the street. Her ears are brand new!
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 11 2020
[A British Joke] I was wearing a T-Shirt with an anchor on it and my Dad put the letter 'W' on the left side of it
He then said that's what you are son
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 17 2019
It's hard to judge the size of boobs under a shirt...
...because they're below see level
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 28 2019
What's the sexiest part of a shirt?
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 24 2019
I found a T Shirt from the Respiratory Health summer camp my Mom went to from 25+ years ago..
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 20 2019
The lady helping me at the bank has a big stain on her shirt.
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 06 2020
What did the bib say to the shirt?
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 15 2019
The cops are warning us about a serial killer who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.
The police are saying that heβs still at large.
π︎ 26
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︎ Jul 21 2019
So the wife made me shred my favorite colored t-shirt, I named him Tie
I unfortunately had to tell the kids "Tie-Dyed"
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 02 2020
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 26 2019
I went to the doctor, and he said I was overweight. I'm not allowed to wear white T-shirts any more.
He told me I have to dye it.
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 13 2019
The jacket fought the shirt over who was more important to the suit.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Whatβs the difference between a man in a suit on a bicycle and and man in shorts and a T-shirt on a unicycle?
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Why did the wet shirt feel betrayed?
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 24 2019
The jacket fought the shirt over who was more important to the suit.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 14 2019
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