A list of puns related to "Dress shirt"
Everyone at Apple hates buttons and holes, that's why they get rid of both on their new products...
I’m just buttoning it up now.
So they were sentenced to hanging.
Lay out the shirt on a table, thread a needle, put a spare button in the place where the old one was, and so on...
He got in a load of trouble.
Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!
Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!
One says to the other 'I bet I can get dressed faster than you'
So each hurriedly puts their socks on, followed by their underwear and trousers, both at the same time.
Now the hard part! Each fumbled frantically with their buttoned shirts, quickly but painstakingly ensuring that each button was right - a minute or so later each finished the last button at the same time.
The heat was on! It was all down to the last item of clothing!
It was a tie.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.
What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.
I woke up early for work,and was getting dressed while my girlfriend lazily poked at her phone. I was laying out my clothes, saying as I go: "undershirt ... work shirt ... underwear ... jeans ... French bovine ... can't wear shoes without the French bovine ..."
I noticed my girlfriend was staring at me, bewildered, but also wearing her "what sort of stupid thing are you saying now?"
I asked what was the matter, and she inquired what a French bovine is.
I said, you shouldn't wear shoes without ...
A Paris ox.
edited: stupid mistakes. It makes better sense now.
Recently in my neck of the woods, we have been experiencing a cold snap. This morning, my wife set me up for a zinger.
Wife (dressing our 10 month old daughter): I don't know how to dress her.
Me: Shirt goes on the top half, pants on the bottom half.
Wife: No! I mean for the temperature!
Me: Oh! Honey I don't think the temperature cares what she wears today.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He
... keep reading on reddit ➡I saw a boy in a red shirt and shorts and asked what he was dressed as "All the rhymes I've red", he replied
I was a young teenager, hanging out with my cousins at a family wedding. We were dressed in our finest: button-down shirts and ties (a rare thing for some of us). It was the middle of the photo shoot, so we had to wait around for our turn.
My uncle sees us, bored out of our minds, and asks if we wanted to have a "tie race." Seeing our puzzled expressions, he demonstrated by rolling up his tie from the bottom to the top like a cinnamon roll.
We got the idea immediately, rolling up our ties as well. Everyone had their own strategy: some rolled theirs tighter, others looser. Some rolled up the tail, others didn't. Some had clip-ons.
On the count of three, we released our ties to see whose unrolled the fastest. We all looked around, trying to decide who actually won the race, when my uncle declared:
It's a tie!
He was trying to get into a club one night, the club was busy, and when he got to the front of the line he could see the bouncer looking for an excuse to turn him away. "Sorry sir, you're just not dressed smart enough," He said, "you'll have to put on a tie."
So my dad starts walking up and down the street, asking people if he could borrow or buy their tie (he really needed to get in) but most people took him for some crazy person and turned him away. After trying for 10 minutes he saw a road side assistant car down the street. He rushed up to the operator and said "Please, I know you're not generally for this but by any chance do you have a tie I can borrow?" The serviceman replies "Sorry sir the best I can do is tie this set of jumper leads around your neck" He ties the leads around dad's neck and make it look all nice (making sure to hide the copper clips in his shirt), and dad heads back to the club. The bouncer looks him up and down again, nods and says, "You can come in, but don't start anything."
Mom: making salad
Mom: Tom, could you please dress the salad?
Me: Casually?
Mom: weird look ...yes?
Me: Are shorts and a t-shirt okay?
Mom: eye rolling ensues
..and all the servers are dressed in little pieces of their Halloween costumes (kitty ears, face paint). But one employee was wearing the Blue IHOP apron and the blue and white striped shirt. [dad] nudges my sister with his elbow, "look, he's dressed as an IHOP employee".
One car was being operated by a small Mexican woman and the other was filled with four guys dressed up in white shirts, gray slacks and ties. Two of the guys were holding bibles in their hands so we could only assume that the group of dressed up gents were Mormons.
My dad slowed down and said: "Well, it seems to be that they let jesus take the wheel."
edit: grammar
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